Yay bowling!

151
127
115

My best day yet, and 151 is my best single game yet. I hurt myself about midway through. A couple of weeks ago it was my hand and forearm, but last night it was my knee. Christ I'm getting old. I'm suffering bowling injuries. Pathetic. We won in a clean sweep.

Thank You, FJM

This, among many, many, many other reasons, is why I hate watching games on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball:

Al Oliver
Uploaded by bsap11

Just listen to the nonsense that comes out of Joe's mouth. After you're done, read Fire Joe Morgan. There's a link to the right.

Opting Out

Believe it or not, Alex Rodriguez's decision to skip the Home Run Derby during All-Star Weekend is stirring up some controversy. It never ceases to amaze me me just how much people love drama. Everyone will tell you otherwise, but then there they are, stirring the pot.

Reports: A-Rod passing on Home Run Derby

I have no problem with Alex Rodriguez skipping the Home Run Derby. I don't care if it actually screws up his swing or not, the point is he thinks it will. Rodriguez has a reputation as a head case, and baseball is just as much mental as it is physical. As a Yankee fan, Rodriguez's peace of mind is infinitely more important than the stupid Home Run Derby. Some players can participate in this thing with no problem, and there are others, not just Alex Rodriguez, who feel it screws with their mechanics. If you know anything about the game, then you know that even the smallest mechanical flaw is difficult to correct on the fly, even after you've identified the problem.

This isn't even a story. This is another reason for people to jump on Alex Rodriguez's case for taking was given to him. Get off his back and find something else to cry about, seriously.

Bowling night!

91
118
113

I even threw 2 gutter-balls........Good thing we keep getting matched up against shittier teams. We won again. It turns out we didn't split last week, we actually won. Something about the handicap being wrong. I don't know.

MLB All-Star voting

Every year something fairly controversial happens regarding the MLB All-Star voting, which is done by the fans. Their is a long history of ballot boxes being stuffed and undeserving players making the team because of the markets they play in. I'm a Yankees fan myself, and I personally did not vote for Derek Jeter, but if he is the starter, no big deal. I mean, has anyone A.L. shortstop been that much better? He is Derek Jeter after all. I also DID vote for Jason Giambi with at least half of my allotted votes. Maybe Justin Morneau deserves it more, but I don't think so. I won't argue too much if Kevin Youkilis ends up with the honor, either.

I'm not going to use this as sounding board for whether or not fans should be allowed to vote for the All-Star game. That's another topic for another day. There is, however, a grave injustice going on in American League voting now, and it's atrocious. I cannot sit quietly by while "Red Sox Nation" votes Dustin Pedroia onto the All-Star team as a starter. It's disgusting. Yes, he plays solid defense and he's a scrappy little player. Super. Great for the home team, but come on, look at Ian Kinsler's numbers as of this moment in comparison:

Kinsler: .305 12 HR 47 RBI 64 runs 19 SB .362 OBP .502 SLG
Pedroia: .282 6 HR 32 RBI 46 runs 8 SB .329 OBP .410 SLG

In case you're wondering how they're playing leading up to the All-Star game, Dustin Pedroia hit .260 in May and is sitting at .246 in June. In fact, his .282 batting average is still being held up by an 8 game stretch in April in which he went 16-32. Take that out, and he's a .257 hitter for the year. Kinsler, on the other hand, hit .305 in April, .300 in May, and is currently at .325 in June.

Only 3 guys in MLB have more hits than Kinsler does right now. Kinsler and Pedroia aren't even playing the same game. Ian Kinsler has consistently been a superior player to Dustin Pedroia all season long. Everyone please go to MLB.com and use your maximum 25 votes to vote for Ian Kinsler.

Kingpin?

I joined a bowling a team with work that participates in a Restaurant Bowling League every Tuesday night. I don't why I did this, because I'm a shitty bowler and I hate losing. Also, I don't know anything about bowling. I've bowled maybe a dozen times. Anyway, last Tuesday was the first night for our team, and we got creamed. I bowled 101, 101, and 135. Woo-hoo. Tonight was even worse, as I bowled 81, 105, 127. Luckily, we split tonight. We played against the Silver Diner, and they weren't very good, either. It's a good time though, and who knows; maybe someday I'll actually be a decent bowler.

Weapons of Ass Destruction

This Sunday is Mother's Day, so I thought we'd pay tribute to the time-honored tradition of getting the living shit beat out of you by your mother, using whatever object she could reach to beat you with. My mother actually was a big fan of using her own hands. Now, my mom is tiny. She's 5 feet tall and until very recently, weighed less than 100 pounds soaking wet. She was also scary (at least until I was about 12), and she packed a punch. Occasionally she liked to get creative, though. She wasn't very good at the belt thing; that was Dad. She did like to throw things, and though you'd never mistake her for Nolan Ryan, she had deadly aim when she was pissed.

There was one particular time when Eric and I were playing outside, and there must have been nothing to do, because we start to sing Michael Jackson songs while playing on the hood of the car. We were living in Salem Village, so I was probably 8, and he was 5 or 6. When you're on the hood of the car, the radio antenna makes a great microphone, until it snaps. My mother beat us with that radio antenna for 6 months, and that fucking thing hurt more than any switch or belt you were ever beat with.

I think the last time my mother hit me was when I was about 12. I can't remember what I did to piss her off this time, but she hit me, and it didn't hurt. By this time I was taller than her and outweighed her. So anyway, she hits me, and I'm trying really hard not to laugh. I didn't succeed, and she gets really pissed. She picks up a hard plastic baseball bat and starts swinging it at me. That was even funnier, and she stormed out of my room and gave me the "wait until your father gets home", which almost never amounted to anything. I'm pretty sure that's the last time my mother hit me.

P.S. I'm fully in favor of beating the hell out of your kids if the those little fuckers step out of line....

David's Guide to Dining Out For The Socially Inept

Yes, I've done something like this before. Yes, I'm aware that there's virtually no chance that this is read by the people that need to read it. Every now and then, though, I just need to get some shit off my chest. I've been in this business for 13 years, and even though I'm working hard to get out, I will always have a soft spot for the restaurant business. I'm not getting out because it's not good money, and I don't want out because I hate the business itself. I'm getting out because I'm sick of dealing with the largely ignorant public as a whole. Now, I know I had a choice here. I chose to work at a well-known chain restaurant, as opposed to a 4-star local place, because I know that in southeastern Virginia, your best bet to make money is quantity over quality, because such quality is just too few and far between here.

First, this isn't going to focus on tipping, or the lack thereof. I know some people are just plain cheap. I know I'm going to get shitty tips that I do not deserve. This is no longer a big deal to me, because I'm very good at what I do, and I'll make my money in the end. It's all of the other dumb shit you do that really gets to me.

Let's start at the front door. You walk into a busy restaurant: let's say, just as an example, The Cheesecake Factory. You get to the front desk and they tell you it will be a 45-60 minute wait. At this point, you have a choice: (a)you can choose to wait up to an hour just to get a table, or (b)you can carry your ass somewhere else. Most of you, for one inexplicable reason or another, will choose to wait. That's fine by me, because the more people we pack into the restaurant, the more money I'm going to make. Since I can count on about 25% of you tipping me 10% or less, and to round up all the cattle I can. Now, remember, they told you that you might wait 60 minutes for a table. When your pager goes off 55 minutes later, don't come to my table with a fucking attitude about how long you waited. Sure, most restaurants don't know how to quote a wait. We do. Get over it. You made that bed when you took the pager.

Now that you have a table and you're settled in, it's time for the dining experience to begin. I will be at your table in one minute or less, so please make sure you're ready. I don't mean that you should know what you want to eat, but you should be ready to give me your attention and the respect I deserve as the person who is now in charge of orchestrating your dining experience for the remainder of the evening. Start by hanging up your damn phone. If the conversation is that important, chances are you shouldn't be out eating. Being on the phone is a sure-fire way to piss me off right from the get go, and I'm going to be less inclined to go out of way to provide you with an over-the-top fantastic dining experience. You're already one strike on the hole.

Next, when I speak to you, look me in the eye. Don't stare at the table when you talk. Don't mumble. If you can't look at me and speak clearly, don't get mad at me when your order comes out wrong. This is another strike against you. This doesn't mean I'm going to intentionally ruin your experience. Again, I'm just not going out of way to make it special for you. If you do this because you have some sort of social anxiety disorder, then Pizza Hut let's you order online.

I am a server, but I am not not your servant. Do not talk down to me. I wait tables to pay my bills while I'm in school. I'm majoring in aerospace engineering and mathematics, with a minor in physics, and that's because I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer or any number of other jobs I'm more than capable of doing. My IQ is high enough for me to join Mensa. There's a 90-95% chance that I'm a hell of a lot smarter than you, so don't talk down to me just because you're paying. The point is, you have no idea why your server has chosen to wait tables, and you are no better than they are. Treat them with the same respect that you think you deserve.

On that note, I introduce myself for a reason. My name is David. Use it. Don't call me "excuse me: and for Christ's sake don't call me "sir".

Some other things you should never, ever do upon sitting down and being greeted by your server:

1. DO NOT pull out your money clip and place it on the table or start counting it in front of me. At this point, I know you have no intention of leaving a good tip, and the odds are good you won't tip me at all. I've been in this business a long time, and that is a sure sign that you are an intentionally shitty tipper. You know the saying 'You get what you pay for?' You might not want to let me know what you intend to pay for right off hand, because that's exactly what I'll give you. You just slipped to the very bottom of my priority list, and all of my other guests will get what they need first.

2. DO NOT bring those stupid powder packets that you can add to your water to make lemonade or fruit punch. If you don't want plain water, and you don't want to pay for a drink, please don't come to a restaurant like the Cheesecake Factory. While we're certainly not 5-star, we aren't Denny's either. Have some class. Just like Money Clip Guy, you've now told me I cannot expect to make much money here, and you've slipped on the priority list.

3. DO NOT interrupt me. EVER. When I come over to introduce myself and I ask how you are or some other such greeting, don't stop me in the middle to order a sweet tea. This goes back to the respect issue, and treating people the way you like to be treated. I probably have some things I need to tell you because the restaurant makes me, and there are some other things I'm going to add in because my job is to give you the best possible experience I can. Don't interrupt or I won't care if you have a good time or not, and you just became the last asshole in my section to get a drink refill.

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, it's time to get down to business. Hopefully you've avoided all of the above no-nos, but you are not in the clear yet. I've brought your drinks and you've had a few minutes to look at the menu. I've given a couple of quick suggestions. If you still need a few minutes to decide, great. I'll be happy to make some more suggestions, tell you about certain dishes, and help you narrow down a few choices. That's part of what I do to make sure you get exactly what you want. If you still need to look, that's fine too, but I'm going to walk away and tend to the other 3 (at least) parties of guests that I'm taking care of. DO NOT tell me that you're ready to order and then spend 5 more minutes looking while I stand table-side waiting. This will piss me off, and it will ensure that you now get more than enough time to decide, because I will walk away without notice for at least 5 more minutes, and I will blatantly ignore your first attempt to get my attention.

You aren't quite sure what to order, so you have a few questions. Great! I spent a lot of time learning everything I could about the 200 items on our menu so that I could adequately answer your questions. Here's the thing. You don't know shit about the food except what the menu says. I do know basically everything. If I tell you about a dish, and it doesn't sound exactly like something you want. DON'T FUCKING ORDER IT!!!! You are not at Golden Corral. You cannot just try something and send it back if you don't like it. If you want to modify a dish and I tell you it won't be good that way, take my word for it. We've already established that I'm smarter than you. If I tell you about a dish and you hesitate for even a second, I'm going to drive home just how much you WILL NOT like that dish, and if you choose to order it anyway, and it turns out that I was right about you hating it, oh well. You had more than enough information at hand to make a good choice, and you chose poorly. No immortality for you. If the kitchen screws something up, we'll pay for it. If you don't like something that I specifically told you that you wouldn't like? Well, you know what they say in Russia*. I'll box it up for you since you paid for it, and maybe the dog will eat it.

Back to the subject of getting my attention. We're a busy restaurant. I personally take care of as many as 20-30 people at one time. There will be occasions when I have many things to do at once, and you may need to get my attention. I have no problem with this, except there are right and wrong ways to go about it. When I'm on the floor, I make eye contact with each one of my guests before I go to the kitchen or the bar or wherever I have to go. If you need something, and I'm headed in the other direction, a small gesture to let me know is acceptable. I'm happy to get you what you need. Most people by now are aware that snapping your fingers might get a drink "accidentally" spilled on you, but some people don't seem to be aware that it is rude to yell at me when I'm talking to another guest at another table. Are you fucking kidding me? I didn't interrupt you when you were on your cell phone, and I didn't intentionally give you unsweet tea when you ordered sweet tea in the middle of my greeting to you, so who the hell are you to yell at me when I'm clearly speaking to someone else?

There are several other things you should and should not do during the meal:

1. If you ordered an appetizer for the table, please lend a hand when we bring it out and clear a space in the middle of the fucking table. Don't look at us like we have three heads when we stand there with the plate and nowhere to put it on the table.

2. DO NOT let your kid make a mess all over the table and floor. It's ridiculous people. Bring a toy or a bottle or whatever, but don't let the little shit throw Cheerios all over the floor. On top of being tacky, you aren't going to tip me any extra to clean up the extra mess. There is a reason The Cheesecake Factory doesn't have a kid's menu.

3. If you're thirsty, fine, but if you think I'm refilling your Diet Coke 11 times before your dinner gets to the table, you're nuts.

Okay, so I lied. It's time to talk about money. Contrary to popular belief, I know that the vast majority of the guests I take care of know that the restaurant pays me $2.13 an hour, and that I will never get a raise in my hourly pay. That means I make every dime from the guests I take care of. When you go out to eat at an upscale casual restaurant like The Cheesecake Factory, you are paying for more than food. Your check covers the food, but the tip is for the service you received. Do you get new tires for your car without paying for labor? No. By the same token, you can't get food without paying for the service, either, unless you go to McDonald's. When you don't tip, or leave me 10% of your bill or less, you've in essence stolen from me. There is never, ever any excuse to leave a tip that is less than 10% of your bill. If your service was that bad, a manager should have known about long before you got your check. I have never worked with anyone who gave service that deserved a $5 tip on a $150 check, and yet I see it all the time.

1. If your food came out cooked wrong, it's not your server's fault. Don't take it out on them.

2. If you don't like the dish, it's not your server's fault, ESPECIALLY if they told you before you ordered it that you wouldn't like it.

3. If you had a bad day and you're in a shitty mood, it's not your server's fault. They have just as many bad days as you, if not more, and they don't take it out on you.

4. If you don't have a lot money, it's not your server's fault. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out. Order take out or cook at home.

I don't think I'm going to spend much more time talking about your awful tipping habits, but I hope those of you who have never worked in the food service industry understand just how far a little respect goes, because karma will get you in the end.









*Toughkie Shitskie........I don't know what it means either, but my father loved saying it to me when I was a kid.

Happy Birthday to Me

I just can't seem to get it right today (today)
I just can't seem to get it right today (today)
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up

It's nearly been a year since he's been gone
we still sing his goodbye songs
and she knows she should move on
but she just can't let him go
no, she just can't let him go

I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
You should know I never meant to hide
I just hate bringin you down
oh, I just hate bringin you down

I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up

And I dropped my paintbrush in the dirt
I'm still numb by just how much I hurt
I cut my hand, wait for it to work
but I just couldn't bring him back
no, I just couldn't bring him back

I just can't seem to get it right today
Oh, I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh lord I said I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh lord I said I guess I'm gonna give up

2008 A.L. East Projections

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. New York Yankees 98-64
2. Boston Red Sox 95-67
3. Tampa Bay Rays 82-80
4. Toronto Blue Jays 80-82
5. Baltimore Orioles 59-103

Like it or not, the two best teams in baseball still reside in New York and Boston, and despite what most want to believe, the Yankees and Red Sox will both coast into the playoffs once again.

1. New York Yankees (98-64): Am I a Yankees fan? Yes. Does that have something to do with me picking them to finish first in the A.L. East? Probably, but the Yankees showed everyone last year in nearly erasing a 14-game deficit to catch the eventual World Champs that when they're healthy no one is better. That being said, health is still the major concern in New York. Andy Pettitte's back problems seem to be minor right now, but at 35 they're a bigger concern than Josh Beckett's back problems in Boston. Chien-Ming Wang may not be the playoff ace the Yankees need, but he's a very solid number two, having won 19 games each of the last two years. With the emergence of Phil Hughes, who is looking more and more like a #1, and Ian Kennedy, who is already a solid middle-of-the-rotation pitcher, there is far less concern with the Yankee staff heading into '08 than in '07. We all know the Yankees can hit, and the Yankees are deep enough that Joe Girardi should be able to give Jason Giambi, Hideki Matsui, and Johnny Damon enough rest to keep them healthy. With Joba Chamberlain in the Yankee bullpen for at least half the season, the Yankees will see improvement there, as well. The Yankees also have an embarrassment of riches in the system in the way of young arms, so acquiring help through the trade market won't be much of a problem should the need arise.

2. Boston Red Sox (95-67): Josh Beckett's back spasms are only a minor concern right now, but with Curt Schilling on the shelf already, they can ill-afford to lose Beckett. Clay Buchholz will likely be on a short leash as far as his innings are concerned. Daisuke Matsuzaka still has to prove he can pitch every 5th day for an entire season. The bullpen is still one of baseball's best. Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz will have their typical huge seasons, Julio Lugo can't possibly be that bad again, and Jacoby Ellsbury is an upgrade in center over Coco Crisp.

3. Tampa Bay Rays (82-80): Baseball is losing it's mind. The Rays and the Royals finishing above .500. God help us. The truth is, this team is deeper in young talent than anyone in the majors, and they're on the verge of making a run for the playoffs. It won't happen in '08, but it's not far away. They mishandled the Evan Longoria situation, but it won't be long until he's the everyday 3B. David Price, Wade Davis, and Jake McGee aren't far away, either. Carlos Pena will probably see a dip in batting average, but there's no reason to believe he can't hit 35 HR.

4. Toronto Blue Jays (80-82): The Blue Jays are the trendy pick to challenge the Yankees and Red Sox in the division, but I just don't see it. Scott Rolen just can't hit anymore, and David Eckstein never could. They have a couple of good young arms in the rotation and bullpen, but A.J. Burnett's chances of making 30 starts are pretty slim considering it's a feat he's managed twice since 1999. Alex Rios is a star, and bounce-back years from Vernon Wells and Lyle Overbay would help, but I still see a 4th place, sub-.500 team.

5.Baltimore Orioles (59-103): I don't even know what to say.

2008 A.L. Central Projections

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. Cleveland Indians 94-68
2. Detroit Tigers 92-70
3. Minnesota Twins 83-79
4. Kansas City Royals 82-80
5. Chicago White Sox 78-84

1. Cleveland Indians (94-68): Fausto Carmona is for real, and C.C Sabathia is a horse. They'll need to have a better year from Travis Hafner, but they have more than enough bats to win this division, and they are hungry.

2. Detroit Tigers (92-70): The addition of Miguel Cabrera gives the Tigers one of the two or three best offenses in baseball. The addition of Dontrelle Willis, however, does nothing positive. After Justin Verlander, the Tiger rotation is below average, with a chance to be downright abysmal. Jeremy Bonderman has a career ERA over 5, Kenny Rogers is getting old, and the bullpen is in shambles with Zumaya and Rodney unable to stay on the field. This team might score 1000 runs, though, and that will get you pretty far; just not into the playoffs.

3. Minnesota Twins (83-79): There is life after Johan Santana. Francisco Liriano looks great, Boof Bonser, Scott Baker, and Kevin Slowey are going to be solid, and Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau and Delmon Young will provide anough O to keep Minnesota above the .500 mark.

4. Kansas City Royals (82-80): Yes, that's right. A winning record. It's a new day in Kansas City. Gil Meche is proving to be worth at least most of the money he was given, Jose Guillen is a solid addition to the middle of the order, and Billy Butler and Alex Gordon are primed for solid seasons.

5. Chicago White Sox (78-84): The Sox can outhit KC and Minnesota, and they can probably outpitch Detroit, but it won't be enough to keep them out of last. Nick Swisher should have a nice year, Josh Fields needs to be in the lineup everyday, and Paul Konerko and Jermaine Dye can still hit. The rotation is less than stellar, though the bullpen should be good. The Sox could finish as high as 3rd, but I'm not really buying it.

2008 A.L. West Projections

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. Seattle Mariners 90-72
2. Los Angeles Angels 90-72
3. Texas Rangers 78-84
4. Oakland Athletics 69-93

A toss-up here. I think the Angels have real injury concerns here, both in the outfield and in the rotation

1. Seattle Mariners (90-72): The Mariners are banking that Erik Bedard and an overpaid Carlos Silva can pitch them to a division title. That might very well happen if Felix Hernandez becomes the ace he's projected to be. The Mariners bullpen is one of baseball's strongest, led by J.J. Putz who is one of the top 2 or 3 closers in the league. The Mariner's lineup doesn't instill fear in anyone, but they might be just good enough. Could a mid-season trade for Adam Dunn put them over the top?

2. Los Angeles Angels (90-72): Lackey and Escobar are both going to begin the year on the DL. Gary Matthews, Jr. is banged up, Vladimir Guerrero is getting old fast, and Torii Hunter was not the thunder that L.A. was looking for to help Vlad. This team is in danger of missing the playoffs in 2008.

3. Texas Rangers (78-84): As usual, the Rangers have no pitching whatsoever. If Milton Bradley stays on the field, however, they can hit. With Hank Blalock healthy and ready for a good year and Josh Hamilton now manning centerfield, the Rangers have more than enough firepower to stay out of the cellar.

4. Oakland (69-93): Hey, Bobby Crosby isn't hurt yet. If he and Rich Harden stay healthy and are productive, they'll likely get dealt, as will Joe Blanton. This team is a candidate to lose 100 games in '08.

2008 N.L. West Projections

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. Los Angeles Dodgers 91-71
2. Colorado Rockies 90-72
3. San Diego Padres 88-74
4. Arizona Diamondbacks 88-74
5. San Francisco 61-101


Once again the N.L. West will be a 4-team slugfest and Baseball's best division.

1. Los Angeles Dodgers (91-71): Joe Torre is known as a guy whose best attribute is the ability to handle the egos of overpaid veteran superstars. The Dodgers are a team that has been plagued by in-fighting between it's veterans and up-and-coming stars. The Dodgers are also a team that is going to rely heavily on it's young stars in 2008. Matt Kemp is an All-Star in the making, and Andre Ethier is an above-average Major League outfielder, and is a better option for the Dodgers than Juan Pierre, who perennially leads the league in outs. Bounce-back years from Rafael Furcal and Andruw Jones make the Dodgers an offensive powerhouse. Brad Penny and Derek Lowe will continue to post solid numbers for L.A., Chad Billingsley is an ace, Hiroki Kuroda may be the league's best 4th starter, and the Clayton Kershaw era will begin soon. Takashi Saito is an elite closer, and Johnathan Broxton is an elite closer-in-waiting. The rest of the Dodger bullpen is solid, assuming Joe Torre doesn't throw them until their arms fall off.

2. Colorado Rockies (90-72): Like the Milwaukee Brewers, the Rockies aren't sneaking up anyone this year. Matt Holliday is one of the league's best hitters, and Brad Hawpe's improvement against left-handed pitching provides Colorado with one the National League's top one-two punches. Garrett Atkins continues to be underrated, Troy Tulowitzki will enjoy a fine season at SS, Todd Helton remains an on-base machine and should hit .315 again, and a healthy Willy Taveras will score 125 runs atop that lineup. The bullpen is solid. The question marks come from the starting rotation. Jeff Francis is no ace, but he is solid and he's a winner. The rest of the rotation is suspect, though Ubaldo Jimenez and Franklin Morales have loads of ability.

3. San Diego Padres (88-74): Kevin Towers has this uncanny ability for sniffing out good major league middle relievers (See: Heath Bell, Cla Meredith, Kevin Cameron). This year's candidate might be Joe Thatcher. Jake Peavy is one of the NL's two best pitchers, and Greg Maddux is still the smartest pitcher in the league. Randy Wolf should be solid if healthy, and if Mark Prior stays healthy he will be a major boon to that rotation. I don't expect much from Jim Edmonds, but it won't matter because Scott Hairston can hit. Demoting Chase Headley was a questionable decision, but he'll be back sooner rather than later, and his bat is more than ready. Adrian Gonzalez is a star, Kevin Kouzmanoff will be an above-average 3B at the plate, and Khalil Greene will lead all ML shortstops in HR and RBI.

4. Arizona Diamondbacks (88-74): Eric Byrnes and Orlando Hudson are coming off career years at the plate, and while neither is likely to repeat their performances, both should come fairly close. Stephen Drew, Justin Upton, Conor Jackson, and Chris Young are young hitters who will be asked to, and should be able to, shoulder most of the offensive load, but they likely won't be able to outhit Colorado or L.A. Brandon Lyon, Tony Pena, Chad Qualls, and Juan Cruz make up a very good bullpen, regardless of who gets the saves. Brandon Webb is an ace, Dan Haren is a very good number 2, but a lot of the D-Backs fortunes will align with the health of Randy Johnson.

5. San Francisco (61-101): Woof. These guys might not score 600 runs this season. I'm serious. They might as well call Angel Villalona up now. Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum both have "ace" written all over them, but unless they both spend a ton of time in the batting cage, the Giants aren't going to score enough for these guys to win. Bengie Molina is going to hit clean-up for crying out loud.

2008 N.L. Central Projections

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. Chicago Cubs 92-70
2. Cincinnati Reds 89-73
3. Milwaukee Brewers 88-74
4. Houston Astros 85-77
5. St. Louis Cardinals 75-87
6. Pittsburgh Pirates 73-89


1. Chicago Cubs (92-70): Kosuke Fukodome was a solid addition, even if Lou Piniella misuses him. Fukodome should hit 2nd and Soriano should hit 5th, but as long as they keep a consistent lineup they should get off to a better start than last year. Carlos Zambrano is not the elite ace everyone thought he might be, but he is an innings-eating horse and always a potential 20-game winner. Ted Lilly and Rich Hill are solid, Jon Leiber is serviceable as a 4th starter, and Sean Marshall will be nice addition to the rotation if he isn't dealt for Brian Roberts. I don't expect the Ryan Dempster experiment to end well, but the Cubs are deep enough without him. The bullpen is very good with Carlos Marmol, Bob Howry, and Michael Wurtz. A healthy Kerry Wood makes it even better. Speaking of a Brian Roberts deal, get a load of this:

1. Brian Roberts 2B
2. Kosuke Fukodome RF
3. Derrek Lee 1B
4. Aramis Ramirez 3B
5. Alfonso Soriano LF
6. Geovany Soto C
7. Ryan Theriot SS
8. Felix Pie CF

2. Cincinnati Reds (89-73): They'll likely find a way to screw this up. This is one team that is just as likely to be very good as they are to be very bad. Aaron Harang is the most underrated pitcher in the National League. Johnny Cueto and Edinson Volquez have both been lights out this spring, but they are young and untested. The bullpen gets a boost with the addition of Francisco Cordero, but his fastball command is still worrisome. Joey Votto should enjoy a fine season if he plays everyday. Corey Patterson could go either way, but if he flops Jay Bruce is waiting to take over, and his bat is ready. Dusty will undoubtedly find a way to get Adam Dunn out of his lineup, and I wouldn't be surprised to see Dunn dealt this year, especially if the Reds fall out of it early.

3. Milwaukee Brewers (88-74): The Brewers aren't sneaking up on anybody this year. Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun are bonafide studs, and Corey Hart should continue to emerge as one the league's better power/speed threats, but Rickie Weeks may never be the player his potential says he should be, Fielder is unhappy about his contract situation, Bill Hall is changing positions yet again, J.J. Hardy has lost 10 pounds due to an illness (remember Alex Rios, 2006?) and Ben Sheets, Yovani Gallardo, and Manny Parra will always carry injury risks to match their immense talent. Speaking of injury risks, if Eric Gagne gets hurt (which never happens, right?) the Brewers will likely turn to Derrick Turnbow to close games. Yuck.

4. Houston Astros (85-77): This team could lead the N.L. in runs scored in 2008, but the pitching rotation is Roy Oswalt and Pray for Rain. Wandy Rodriguez is the N.L. version of Ervin Santana, Woody Williams is 128 years old, and Shawn Chacon has won a rotation spot. Bleh. The bullpen is solid enough with the addition of Jose Valverde, but they're going to get the Scott Proctor treatment this season.

5. St. Louis Cardinals (75-87): Oh, do these guys stink. Albert Pujols needs Tommy John surgery, and if he goes down this is the worst team baseball. Chris Carpenter, Mark Mulder, and Matt Clement are long-shots to stay healthy, at best. Adam Wainwright is a solid pitcher, but to say there are question marks after him is a bit of an understatement. Rick Ankiel and Troy Glaus are another couple of what-ifs, but Ankiel has looked very good this spring. The sooner Colby Rasmus gets to the majors, the better.

6. Pittsburgh Pirates (73-91): Ian Snell and Tom Gorzelanny are both good young pitchers, and Matt Morris should have a better year, but this is probably the most boring, faceless team in baseball. Steven Pearce, Andrew McCutchen, and Neil Walker should give fans a reason to head out to PNC in the second half of '08. The Pirates have a bright future, but it won't be this year.

2008 N.L. East Projections

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on the analysis of statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end; so, I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. New York Mets 95-67
2. Philadelphia Phillies 93-69
3. Atlanta Braves 87-75
4. Washington Nationals 70-92
5. Florida Marlins 68-94

This is not going to be the slam-dunk that a lot of people thought it would be when the Mets aquired Johan Santana. The Mets and Phillies should provide us with a great rivalry for the next several years, but this time the Mets hang on to take the division.

1. New York Mets (95-67): Johan Santana might win 25 games at Shea. A healthy Pedro Martinez, John Maine and Oliver Perez could provide the Mets with one of the National League's best rotations, or it could be a complete disaster after Santana. David Wright and Jose Reyes are two of the very best young hitters in the game, but there are injury concerns everywhere else. The bullpen is solid, especially with a healthy Duaner Sanchez. Once Sanchez regains his form and his role as top set-up man, look for Aaron Heilman to get dealt.

2. Philadelphia Phillies(93-69): The Phightin' Phils added plenty of power this offseason with Pedro Feliz and Geoff Jenkins, but the pitching is still suspect. Cole Hamels is on the verge of becoming a true ace, but after Brett Myers there are a lot of problems. There is almost zero chance Kyle Kendrick pitches as well as he did last year. Both Brad Lidge and Tom Gordon are injury risks, and there isn't much in the bullpen after that. Pedro Feliz's on-base ability is less than inspiring, and Jenkins is pretty much a platoon guy, but Rollins, Howard, and Utley are still elite and will do a lot of damage all on their own.

3. Atlanta Braves (87-75): This is a team that just will not go away. John Smoltz may be beginning to show signs of his age, but he is still a great pitcher. If Mike Hampton can make 25 starts this year at anywhere near the level he's shown in spring training, the Braves are going to hang around this race well into the summer. The Braves bullpen is better than Philly's, and the Braves were 3rd in the National League in runs scored in '07, with Mark Teixeira for only half a season. Mike Gonzalez will provide a big boost to the bullpen when he returns this summer.

4. Washington Nationals (70-92): This should be a tight race for last place. It's The new stadium should benefit Ryan Zimmerman, never good when you release your Opening Day starter a week before the season starts.who will emerge as one the N.L.'s top 3B, as well as Austin Kearns, who should hit 25-30 home runs as Washington's everday right fielder. The bottom line is pitching, though, and the Nationals have none. Zip. The new Opening Day starter is Odalis Perez. Dreadful. Tyler Clippard should get a shot in '08, and we may see Ross Detwiler sometime this season. They're going to have to hit to compete, and that means Lastings Milledge will have to break out completely, Elijah Dukes will have to stay on the field and out of prison, and Nick Johnson will have to stay healthy. Good luck with all of that. Chad Cordero should be dealt by the All-Star break, leaving Jon Rauch to close games.

5. Florida Marlins (68-94): Andrew Miller and Cameron Maybin are a year away from making real contributions. Jeremy Hermida can't stay healthy enough to realize his potential (though this may be the year). Jorge Cantu has a starting spot. On the bright side, they still have Hanley Ramirez, Scott Olsen is finally putting it together, and Dan Uggla's batting average can't get worse. They also don't have to worry about any of those pesky fans making a bunch of noise while they're trying to play, since there won't be any there.

Spring is Upon Us.

Spring officially starts tomorrow, and it has nothing to do with the vernal equinox. Beginning at 6:05 a.m. EST on Tuesday, March 25, a singular focus takes precedent over pretty much everything else in my life: Baseball. For the next 7 months I will eat, drink, and sleep nothing but baseball. I'm getting up at 5:45 tomorrow morning because the Red Sox and Athletics are opening the season in Japan this year. Mind you, I've already spent loads of time drafting fantasy baseball teams, analyzing statistics and projections, checking spring training boxscores and injury updates, scouring transaction logs, etc, but the real fun starts tomorrow. I have my MLB Extra Innings package ready to go, and between that and TiVo, I won't miss a Yankee game all year.

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

It's supposed to fun, right?

Jonathan, my 9-year old, plays Little League baseball. Last weekend he had tryouts, and I went down there with him to watch. Now, I helped coach Jon's team last year, and I was intending to do the same this season. One of these days, I'd get a team of my own, but I wasn't ready for that this season. Well, as I'm sitting in the bleachers Sunday afternoon, the player agent for the 9-11 year olds comes out and starts asking for a volunteer. Apparently, they had a team in my son's division that was without a manager. I hid from her at first, but when no one else said yes, I just said fuck it and told her I'd do it. So, here's how it's going so far:

Sunday, March 2: I'm asked and agree to manage the Minor A Mariners. It's about 5:00 p.m. and tryouts are over for the day.

Saturday, March 8: The third day of tryouts, but the first time I'd be seeing the 10 and 11-year-old players. Everything is rained out as we experience heavy showers and gale force winds. No big deal, one more day to go.

Sunday, March 9: Last day of tryouts. Rained out again.

Tomorrow night is the draft, and I have no idea who these kids are and what they can do. Now, this isn't that important to me as a coach. I have a lot of knowledge and what I feel is a pretty good plan for teaching these boys. It doesn't matter the skill level of the players I get, because by the end of the season they will all have had a great time playing ball, they'll gain more respect and knowledge about the game, and they will all be better ball-players heading into next year.

It does raise and interesting dilemma, however. The problem lies in the fact that most Little League coaches only do it because (1) they want to guarantee their kids playing time, or (2) winning as a Little League coach makes them feel good about being a shitty player when they were young. This leads to lots and lots of cheating. You have no idea how much cheating goes on in Little League baseball. Managers will round up the fathers of all the best players and have them as coaches, so they can coach the most talented kids. If that doesn't work, they identify some of the best players and have them skip tryouts or play at half-speed so they won't be identified as good players. Like I said, it doesn't much matter to me, except that the first and foremost goal is for the boys to learn and have fun. Losing is not fun, though, and if I get taken advantage of by coaches who only care about their win-loss records, the kids on my team will suffer for it. They may not win at first, and that can be discouraging.

I'm not too worried about it. I definitely feel like I have a lot to teach, and my experience in the restaurant business over all these years has led me to believe that I'm a fairly effective teacher. No matter what, my main goal is to provide a fun and structured environment for the kids to learn how to play and learn to really love the game. I'm hoping to be the kind of coach most Little League players never encounter. We'll see how it goes. My first practice is next Saturday.


**Update: I'm no longer coaching this team, and Jonathan is no longer playing in this league. Long story; maybe I'll get into it later, but we're looking for a new place for the boy to play.

February must be a bad month for blogging.

I am absolutely swamped. I'm way in over my head at school. I need to take time off work to study more, but I'm actually already not working enough to pay the bills. I'm under a ton of stress, and it's affecting me both mentally and physically now. I'm a step slow at work, I'm not getting the studying done that I need to, and even when I do I could do better. I can't afford to get through this semester with C's, and if I keep taking things to give me energy and/or keep me awake, my head is going to explode. I'm experiencing tightness in my chest on occasion, I'm sometimes short of breathe, I get these sharp pains at the bottom of ribs on either side, my back hurts, my neck hurts, my shoulders hurt, and the Saturday before Valentine's Day I couldn't really carry anything with my left arm for about 3 hours. I'm getting too old for this shit.

We can, and we just might.

This Old House

Some pros and cons of buying a "fixer-upper":

Pros: Cheaper, and there is some amount of satisfaction to doing the work yourself.

Cons: Sometimes you get 4 Roto Rooter service men in 2 vans digging a 500 cubic-foot hole in your front yard with a backhoe. I need to get a picture of this.........

A Giant Win

Steve Spagnuolo had Tom Brady's kryptonite last night.

For everyone who doesn't follow football much and has only been listening to the media talk about New England's invincibility and what a monumental upset the Giants 17-14 win in Super Bowl XLII was, don't believe the hype. The best football team won last night, and I don't mean the Giants were the best team because they won this one game. All throughout the playoffs, the Giants were the best team. When the Patriots and Giants met during week 17, the Giants were the better team then, too. Whatever clicked inside Eli Manning during that game is all the Giants needed. The defense did the rest. Whether or not Manning translates this into further development into the player so many think he is or can be remains to seen, but he had a hell of a 5 game stretch beginning with the Week 17 loss to the Patriots.

I can't say I'm necessarily happy the Giants won, being a Redskins fan, but I'm becoming more and more a fan of Michael Strahan. I also can't help but be happy for Plax, someone I saw not given much of a chance by those who didn't understand him when we were kids and tolerated by the rest because of his immense physical talent.

What is truely great about it, though, is the chink in Tom Brady's armor. He's not invincible, folks, so let it go. Maybe now Boston will be a little more realistic about the Celtics.

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

We cannot turn back.

There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. *We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by a sign stating: "For Whites Only."* We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."


I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.



And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of
Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!


Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (January 15, 1929-April 4, 1968)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why I Fired My Secretary

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well when I awoke that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.' I thought..."Well, that's marriage for you": but the kids.... they will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was pretty despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday; what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me?"

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch, But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we ?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment; it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok," I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake................followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch..

Naked.

Your life may be the only Bible some people read

Merriam-Webster defines integrity as a firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values. I've always told the people that have worked for me that integrity is simply doing what is right when no one is looking. It seems like such a simple thing, but I am constantly reminded of how so few people actually think about the consequences of their actions. Now, I'm not referring to your own personal consequences, because that is ALL most people care about. I'm talking about thinking through what it is your decsion is going to mean for the others that it affects, like taking something from someone else. People steal; it's a fact. Some people steal out of need, which of course isn't right, but what about people who steal just to do it? Those people clearly have no integrity; they did not stop to think that, sure, I'm getting a $20 piece of useful equipment, but maybe I'm taking more than that from someone else. What this person failed to realize is that they have stolen valuable time from life that I will never be able to get back. Seems minor to you, but it clearly has a greater impact on me. Was it worth it? Do you even care?

“It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.”
-Francis Bacon

It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.

I'm really starting to hate old people. That's not true; I just hate old drivers. I'm getting awfully tired of having to look out for the poof of white just showing above the steering wheel of a Lincoln Aircraft Carrier.

Last night I was leaving my neighborhood and a car stalled out in the right-hand lane of N. Lynnhaven Road just before Virginia Beach Blvd. No big deal. I was two cars back, and we just manuevered over to the left lane (I suppose I could've gotten out and helped, but she had phone, and I had somewhere to be) and waited at the light. Well, behind me was an older lady in a Jetta. She was at least 65, probably a litle older. Well, it apparently doesn't occur to her that everyone in the right lane had moved around this car (a green Escort or something). It also clearly didn't occur to her that the stationary vehicle with the flashing hazard lights wasn't going to be moving, because she just continued to creep up on this girl until she plowed right into the back of her. I guess she figured, "Well, this car isn't moving, but this is the way I need to go, so fuck it. She'll move if I get close enough, right?" Which leads me to my next point:

It's only natural that when most of us get older we lose our hearing and our vision (especially peripheral) diminishes. I don't think those are the sole reasons for so many older people to be such awful drivers. No, I think a lot of people get to a certain age and just say "fuck it, I'll do what I want," like

"Well, I'm stopped here in the right lane, but I need to turn left. I don't really feel like driving up there to make a u-turn, so fuck it, I'm just going to go. Everyone else will just have to watch out."

or

"I really need to get out of this parking lot, but there are four lanes of traffic coming right now. Fuck it. They'll stop."

or

"I really need to change lanes. It's too much trouble to check my mirrors, and I can't see anything anyway, so fuck it. Everyone else should be watching."

"I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect."
-George Burns (1896-1996)


It just seems stupid to me that we can tell a 16-year old kid that they're fit to drive, hand them a little plastic card with their picture on it, and send them out to drive forever and ever. As long as you don't get caught breaking any traffic laws you can drive for the rest of your life. Not getting tickets doesn't make you a fit driver. I'm sick of dodging kids on cell phones, drunk drivers (that's another post, though), and old people who have almost zero awareness of there surroundings. Is it that we feel we are "disrespecting our elders" if their driving privileges are taken away? What's wrong with requiring regular vision and hearing screens and a road test after the age of 55? Have you earned the right to endanger my life because you've managed to stay alive for more than a half-century? I don't think so.

I think what so many people forget is that driving is an earned privilege, not a right-of-birth. I can't tell you the trouble I've been in throughout the 13 years I've been driving just because I drive a little fast, especially on deserted roads, when people who repeatedly put other drivers in danger are allowed to just keep doing it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'm not a bad driver just because I've had a few tickets. I don't break any more traffic laws than the rest of you, I just get caught more. I am however, a more alert driver than most, and I am constantly aware of my surroundings when I drive (unless I'm really tired.....). You all have just been luckier. Am I being disrespectful to the generations before me? No. Sure, when you're 80 years old, maybe you've earned the right to bitch and complain and have the rest of us turn a blind eye, but I think I've earned the right to make an attempt to live to be your age without you running me off the road and into a fucking lamppost.

So Long To A Legend

Joe Gibbs stepped down yesterday as head coach of the Washington Redskins, ending his comeback from retirement and induction into the NFL Hall of Fame after 4 up-and-down years. It's a sad day. Sure, the rigors of being a head coach in the NFL maybe too much for the 67-year old Gibbs, and perhaps a younger coach is in order. None of this diminishes what Joe Gibbs has meant to the Redskins organization, the Redskins players, and Redskins fans. There's not even any need to delve into the astounding statistics, because Gibbs is already enshrined in Canton. For anyone too young to remember Gibbs' first go-round in the NFL, you need look no further for a shining example of what it means to be a leader of men.

You will be missed Coach Gibbs. I wish the best to you and your family, especially Taylor. Thanks for everything.

It's never too early for fantasy baseball..

I'm starting up a new fantasy baseball league. All of the information can be found on the website I created for the league:

The Sandlot

This will be a very competitive and fun league. If anyone comes across this post and is interested, check out the site and the accompanying message board. If it looks like something that you can handle, let me know. I'm looking for active, competitive owners who really know their shit. If you're new to the game, you're likely to get stomped, and I don't want to have to replace anyone once we get started.

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

"What's your favorite subject?
Poetry
Really? Maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow."

Today was the first day of the spring semester for me. Of course, knowing that it was the first day and my first class started at 8:00 a.m., what do you think I did last night? That's right, after work I went to Kelly's for what was supposed to be "a beer" and what actually turned into 5 beers, 2 shots of Jameson, and not getting home until 2:30. Bah, it was the first day. It's nice to unwind once in awhile, and at least I didn't get drunk. Hey, they had $1.99 Amber Bocks. How could I say no? :)

"Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out. Then bring one every ten minutes."

I do have homework after the first day. Who does that? I want the deal my kids have: no homework on the weekends. I'm sure I'd get by just fime with that set-up........

"Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing."


By the way, my new favorite thing ever:



I hate Taco Bell. I never eat there, but these are a revelation. Combined with a caramel apple empanada they make for quite a tasty treat. In fact, I'm eating some now!

Football season is over....

So far as I'm concerned. What a disappointing loss after such a great last month of the season. I don't even want to think about it anymore. At least the Steelers lost. Time to get ready for baseball season!

Bleh...

What a crappy day. I didn't do anything. I didn't even go to work. I did run; the same 1.35 miles. It took 10:21 this time. I'm pretty sore, which is really lame. I have a list of things I need to do around the house, and I haven't done anything. I won't get much done tomorrow, since the Redskins are playing at Seattle in the first round of the playoffs.

Barack Obama won the Democratic caucus, and John Edwards finished second. Both of those are good. I hope everyone plans on voting, but that'll be another lecture for another post.

Not so fast

"Learning from experience is a faculty almost never practiced."
-Barbara Tuchman

On that note, I'm setting my first goal for the new year. My challenge is to never get another traffic ticket. Ever. I've definitely had more than my fair share. Now, I don't feel as though I break more traffic laws than the average person; I just get caught more. Virtually all of my tickets have been for speeding on the interstate late at night, or rolling through a stop sign when making a right turn. I'm not a reckless driver at all. I make sure I always follow a safe distance (I hate tailgaters) and I'm not a crazy lane changer. I just tend to drive a little fast when traffic is light. So, from now on, I'm just going to leave a little earlier and drive a little slower. Speeding tickets are expensive.

Speaking of speeding, I drive through a school zone while children are either arriving at or leaving school everyday. They're all 35-45 mph zones that lower to 25 when school is starting or getting out, complete with flashing lights. Everyday I slow down when the lights are flashing, and everyday some asshole speeds by me at a minimum of 40 mph. This pisses me off. Yes, it's unsafe to drive around the schools at high rates of speed, and that makes me mad, but what really angers me is that if I were the one driving through the school zone at 45 mph, that's the day a cop would be there. Why don't any of these other jerks ever get stopped!

On a side note: For those of you who don't live in Virginia, we might just have the stupidest weather in the United States. Yesterday it was 34 degrees with snow flurries. Today, it was even colder with a high of 33. Next week it's going to be in the 70s for daytime highs. That's stupid.

I was running...

So I went for a little jog this morning. I'm not sure when the last time I ran was, but's it's been awhile. More than a year. Anyway, I ran 1.35 miles, according to MapMyRun, which is really cool (thanks Eric). I did it in 10:30, which I must say I'm quite pleased with, considering how long it's been and how little I've run since high school. That's about a 7:46/mile pace. Not too bad. This is how it went:

(9:54 a.m.) My knee is going to kill me. Why is it hurting already? I need to go to the doctor about this.

(9:56 a.m.) I really need to tie my shoes tighter, but if I stop I might not get back up.

(9:58 a.m.) My knee is feeling better now, but it's probably not smart to run into the wind on the way back, especially when it's 35 degrees.

(10:01 a.m.) My sinuses are going to kill me. I've run one mile and I can't breathe out my nose. Not that it would matter anyway with all of this congestion in my chest.

(10:03 a.m.) Done. That wasn't so bad, except I can't feel toes.

(10:07 a.m.) I'm back at the house now, doing a little stretching, and I realize I can no longer reach my toes from the sitting position. What's most disturbing about this is that it has less to do with my flexibility than with my stomach being in the way. I guess I'll have to incorporate some sit-ups into the plan quickly.....

Resolutions

I've never made New Year's Resolutions before, but I want 2008 to be different, so why not start with something new? Okay, here I go:

In 2008, I resolve:

To better organize my life and maximize my time. I've had a day planner for years but never made the best use of it, but it's time to change that.

To turn my daydreams, fantasies, and wishes into planned-out, attainable goals. There's no reason I can't have what I want if I put the time and effort into getting it.

To lead by example everyday, in everything I do.

To better understand myself and who I want to be.

To make a plan and stick to it.

To not quit when it gets hard.

To look at this list as often as I need to remind me of where I want to be.

To do something I enjoy everyday.



Everyone says the same things when the New Year rolls around about wanting to change things, whether it be losing weight, quitting smoking, spending more time with family & friends, or learning something new. These are great goals, but they are quickly lost when the going gets a little tough. I want my resolutions to be more like guidelines for me to live my life by, sort of a map for everything I do. I feel like my life is heading in a better direction, and this year seems like a great time to start making more positive changes so that I feel more fulfilled in my own life, and maybe I can turn myself into the kind of man my sons look at and want to be just like.

Happy F-ing New Year!

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow;
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true. ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson


All glory comes from daring to begin ~ Eugene F. Ware

Hope everyone has a great 2008!