God Hates Me

I'm driving home from work Sunday night, when all of a sudden my oil light comes on. Now, I just had my oil changed two weeks ago, but I had cause for concern. Here's why:

About 2 months ago I decided I was tired of changing my own oil. I didn't have time, and I didn't really like doing it, so I decided to take it down the street to Jiffy Lube. Big Mistake. They didn't put the oil filter case back on right, so the gasket sort of popped out. This wasn't noticeable until the car was started, so we didn't see it at Jiffy Lube. Well, after I got home, all of the oil leaked out of the car onto the driveway. If anyone is not aware, had I tried to start it, I would have seized the engine, which of course would ruin it beyond repair and I'd need a new engine. Anyway, Jiffy Lube fixed it and give me my money back.

So, I leave work Sunday night and get on I-64. The oil light comes on, but I'm thinking to myself maybe it's burned a quart and it's a little low; after all, I drive 60-75 miles a day at 70 mph or more. I didn't even finish getting the thought out when the car starts to shake and smoke. I immediately realize what's going on, but before I can get to the shoulder and turn the fucking car off, the engine locks up. I have to coast over to the shoulder. I popped the hood and jumped out. There's smoke everywhere, but I think maybe if I hurry I can save it. I had three quarts of oil in the trunk, so I dump them in. As fast I as dump it in, though, it's leaking back out onto the shoulder. I looked under the car, and it appeared oil was leaking from the drain plug AND the plug for the oil filter case. I figured Midas, who last changed the oil, really fucked something up, and I was pissed. I got it towed and contacted my insurance company, who said unless there was collision damage, they couldn't cover it. The next day I got a quote on a used engine (I drive a Mazda 6, by the way): $3942. I'm screwed. This, however, is where my luck changes a bit.

Yesterday, Midas comes and tows the car back to their shop so they can look at to determine whether or not they are liable. Fat chance is what I'm thinking. My claims adjuster at Progressive has gotten involved at this point, so I'm hoping he can convince them it's their fault. Well, Midas determines that it is indeed collision damage, as though I ran over something in the road. They say the oil filter case is cracked and there is damage to the oil pan as well. Chris, the insurance adjuster (who has been super helpful so far) agrees with this assessment.

Now, I have no recollection of running over anything. To cause the kind of damage they're talking about, I would have had to hit something pretty hard. My theory is, Midas ascertained that it was indeed their fault, and beat the shit out of my car so they wouldn't be liable. Far-fetched, I know, but hey, I thought of it. Anyway, Progressive is covering the cost, and while my premium will take a slight hit, at least I'm not forking out four grand for an engine.

Incidentally, this is not the first time I've had to replace an engine in a car. I previously owned a '97 Plymouth Breeze (think Dodge Stratus, with a gayer name), and I lost that engine to flood damage, but that's another story.

It's also the second time I've had to file a claim on the 6 in a month; I was in accident a week before Christmas. One day I'll figure out exactly what I did wrong.

Meandering

I'm not sure I have enough imagination today for an entire post, but I wanted to write something anyway. Maybe just a few random thoughts.

~How's this for team spirit? Bruce Pearl may have taken it a bit far, however. Doesn't he kind of look like Bruce Willis here?

~I really can't stand that Geico commercial with Vern Troyer in it. It annoys me. I do, however, love the caveman ones.

~Now Isaiah, I'm sure you know of a word or two that should never be said on national T.V. Faggot is one of them.

~This makes me mad. I've subscribed to MLB Extra Innings on Cox and Adelphia for three or four seasons now. Maybe they just don't want anyone to watch until the whole steroid thing is over. Good move. $700 million over 7 years should make awfully affordable for us all going forward as well. Assholes.

~I can't wait to see Pan's Labyrinth

~Tonight is Bush's State of the Union address, so here's today's Bush Quote of the Day as provided by Google: "I'm pretty good about asking myself the own question, then answering it, see?" Yes, he said that.

~I'm very glad the Patriots lost.

~I'm not glad the Saints lost

~No beach swimming down under for me.

~American Idol is becoming unusually cruel. When it started, Simon told everyone they were worthless singers; then Randy Jackson (douchebag) gradually joined the act. Now, they've taken to telling contestants they're just worthless human beings and making fun of the way they look. Yo dawg, that ain't right. Oh, and I know that they meant to leave that left door locked so after they were done humiliating these kids, they would then be further embarassed by not being able to get out. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel sorry for the people on the show who know what they're getting into, especially the William Hungs of the world, but just what are they trying to teach the kids watching the show, that people who are different are to be ridiculed and shunned by the beautiful and talented?

Yikes, that almost turned into a full-on rant. I'm done for now.

Hey, great idea!

Some people will do anything to be noticed. In this case, it's a couple of douchebags on a shitty morning radio show in Sacramento. In case you haven't heard or didn't click the preceding link. a woman died from water intoxication shortly after participating in a "Hold your wee for a Wii" contest. These guys got their hands on a Nintendo Wii, and were so desperate to use it to promote the show, they thought up this brilliant idea where contestants drink as much water as they can without peeing or throwing up. This was the exchange between the DJs and Jennifer Strange, who lost her life trying to get a stupid video game for her kids, near the end of the contest:

DJ: Can't you get water poisoning and like die?

DJ2: Your body is 98 percent water. Why can't you take in as much water as you want? ...I know.

DJ: That is what I was thinking, maybe we should have researched this.

DJ2: Jennifer, congratulations on making it to the final two. How are you feeling?

Jennifer: I still have to go pee, but my stomach is like really, really full. I look like I am pregnant again. It's pretty funny.

DJ2: How much longer do you think you can go Jennifer.

Jennifer: As long as my stomach will continue to let me. I don't know. Maybe a couple more.

DJ2: Jennifer, I heard that you're not doing too well.

Jennifer: My head hurts. They keep telling me that it is the water, that it will tell my head to hurt and then it will make me puke.

During the show, a listener calls in to warn the DJs that the stunt is dangerous and says someone could die.

"Yeah, we're aware of that," one of them says.

Another DJ laughs: "Yeah, they signed releases, so we're not responsible. We're OK."

"And if they get to the point where they have to throw up, then they're going to throw up, and they're out of the contest before they die, so that's good, right?" another one says.

Now, I've watched anough Law & Order to know this is AT LEAST criminal negligence. I'm pretty sure McCoy could get them for murder. "Maybe we should have researched this" says the DJ. Good thinking. Don't drop the soap buddy.

Wahoo

So, I'm sitting in front of the t.v. watching my favorite college basketball team, Virginia. I can't understand why they are so schizophrenic. Or maybe it's bipolar. They've been this way for years. How is it that they can welcome #10 Arizona to their new court and win, then go to Puerto Rico, and in consecutive nights, get blown out by Appalachian State and Utah and beat a Puerto Rican team (that can't beat anybody)by 7 in a miserable performance. After these three outings, I figured my hopes for the season had been dashed. But alas, they come home and give Gonzaga a good old-fashioned woodshed-beatdown. Great! They're back! Just get by Stanford (at home!) and it's on to ACC play. A couple of good road wins, defend the home court, and it's off to the field of 65. But no, Stanford wins at the buzzer. Season over. They'll get blown out UNC and start a slide into ACC obscurity. What's this? As I type, Virginia is in Chapel Hill giving the #1 team in the nation everything they can handle. It's tied at 47. We'll see how it goes from here.

Elephants don't forget, but I'm only human

I forget things. Not in a Where-did-I-put-my-car-keys or Dude-you're-not-wearing-any-pants kind of way, but if I'm not completely focused on remembering something, I will certainly forget. Almost every time one of the girls at work says "can you take this coupon off of H1?", I walk 8 feet to the computer, pull up the list of tables and ask, "uhhh, what table?" I have a planner that I use ineffectively, but without which I would probably forget my keys or to put pants on.

Today I forgot my kids. Nothing serious; they were at their grandmother's. I knew when I left work that I had to pick them up, but about halfway home my mind started to wander. I snapped out of it as I pulled into the driveway, thinking to myself "Did I forget something? Oh right, my kids."

I do this frequently, especially while driving. It's not as if I'm not paying attention to the road or other cars or traffic lights, I'm just not paying attention to where I'm going. I've missed my exit on the interstate going home, and then missed the next exit before realizing something was amiss.

I will definitely forget what you've said to me 30 seconds after you've said it to me if I haven't made a conscious decision to remember it. What's kind of nuts about it all is that I remember everything I read or just catch a glimpse of. Yes, I'm aware that I exhibit classic signs of Attention Deficit Disorder, and I have unfortunately passed it to my kids, but come on, don't you outgrow this? It's pretty annoying. I can't remember half of what I wanted to put in this particular blog post, so it's not nearly as entertaining as I envisioned 6 hours ago when I decided to do it. I was thinking about whether or not I've always been this way, but I can't remember........

The Prognostic Dishwasher

So, back to my friend, who, for the sake of his anonymity, we'll call 'Mike Elliot', and who absolutely talked me to death today at work. He regaled me with this gem of a story about playing the lottery:

'Mike': "Back when I first joined the Army (virtually every story begins with some variation of this line) I kept running across the numbers 9-1-1."

Me: "Oh yeah?" (that's all he needs; he's like a woman in that respect....)

'Mike': "Yeah, I decided I wanted to play those numbers."

Me: "Uh-huh"

'Mike': "So, I kept going to the gas station, and I didn't play, and I kept putting it off."

Me:"Uh-huh" (At this point it's become eerily similar to any number of conversations I've had with my wife)

'Mike': "Yep, and sure enough one day they hit(You don't say). Man, I was kickin' myself after that."

Me: "Man, that sucks."

'Mike': (This is where it gets really good) "Yeah, so I was tellin' my mother about it a couple weeks later, and I remember tellin' her 'You know, I think those numbers (911 for those of you not paying much attention) are going to be really important in history.' And wouldn't you know, a few years later 9-11 happens."

Me: .......

Me: .......

Me: .......

Me: "Wow, you're a regular Nostradamus."

'Mike': .......

Bowled Over

In light of perhaps the most entertaining bowl game ever between Boise State and Oklahoma, I thought it would be cool to talk about some of the other great 'bowls' of all-time (and no, I don't mean the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsetta Bowl):

} Those who know me best know that I would be remiss not to include The Olive Garden's Never-Ending Pasta Bowl. I don't know why we didn't just stop cutting the grass and attach wheels to the outside of the restaurant every fall. And forget about a decent tip...

} Manute Bol: How can you not love a guy who's 11 feet tall and weighs 76 pounds, especially when he's spotting up for 3?

} Tecmo Super Bowl: Greatest video game this of Legend of Zelda.

} The bowl-haircut: My parents forced this upon me when I was young. You know you had one too.

}Rock 'N Bowl! Ah yes, bowling with the lights out and the music loud. What could be better? Not paying $300 for it, that's what.......

I know someone out there will we 'bowl' me over with some other examples.....