Sometimes, like when I wonder where I'm going to get the money to pay for this house I live in, I wonder why I'm still kidding myself. It's clearly not meant to be, right? Every time I see my schedule and I'm working 2 days, I decide it's time to give up; to take the safe route.
I look at myself sometimes and wonder, at 29, what have I really done? Am I ever going to do anything? Then there are times I feel that I'm still young; I have plenty of time to do this and then organize the chaos that is my life.
Everytime I make school a priority, everything else falls apart, and I go right back to the job I hate the most. I should just do it again and be happy.
Not this time. I'm not backing down. I'm not quitting. I've sacrificed too much: time, money, relationships. It's not just about me, either. Others have sacrificed just as much, and it's not going to end like this. I'm not who I can be yet. I'm not where I want to be yet. I'm not going back.
Fuck you. I can do it.
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2 comments:
I'm so envious you will never know. I want to follow your lead, but....never seem to have the balls to do it. blah. I hate you...not really. You know that. :-) I know you can do it, probably more than you feel you can. I'm getting older and my time to start over is running out. You're my inspiration. You won't fail. BTW, I have Keith's #.
Thanks buddy. Sorry i missed you this weekend. How is Keith?
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