My Ten Favorite Christmas Movies

Note: not necessarily the best Christmas movies, because I suppose that list begins and ends with It's A Wonderful Life and A Miracle on 34th Street, neither of which I've ever seen all the way through.

10. The Santa Clause:
I didn't really want to see this when it came out, and I can't remember why I eventually did, but it has a certain charm to it.

9. The Nightmare Before Christmas:
Does Burton ever do anything wrong...other than Mars Attacks and Planet of the Apes?

8. A Christmas Carol

7. A Charlie Brown Christmas:
I think I've seen this every year for 25 years

6. Bad Santa:
Some variation of the word 'fuck' was uttered 147 times in this movie. What's not to like?

5. Home Alone:
This is *Christmas*. The season of perpetual hope. And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.

4. Gremlins:
"The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus."

3. Die Hard:
Yes, it counts; "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker".

2. Scrooged:
"The Jews taught me this great word. "Schmuck". I was a schmuck, and now I'm not a schmuck"

1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:
The best of the National Lampoon's movies, and one of the funniest movies ever.

"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"