Those who forget the past...........

So, I left my last job on May 7. It was easy, and the money was pretty good, but the hours sucked and hated doing it. I was going to leave anyway, but personal circumstances caused me to quit a week or two before I wanted. No big deal; I had been looking anyway.

I took the next week off to take care of some stuff, and then my son's birthday was that weekend. After that, on the 14th, I hit the job search again full speed. I submitted my resume for a job I really wanted. The hours were good; I'd see my boys more and be able to go back to school. That is the ultimate goal anyway: to finish my degree. I'm 29 now, and I need to get it done. The moey was good, and the benefits were great. I got called for an interview, got a second interview, and then nothing. about two weeks later I got a standard auto-email for those who aren't hired. Great, a week wasted.

So, since I didn't get that job for whatever reason, I back to waiting tables. At 29, that's not where I had envisioned myself. I've been in training two weeks at The Cheesecake Factory, and still haven't made a dime. I won't get to until Monday, either.

I'm not sure how long I've been stuck in this same circle, but it's longer than I can remember. Things go okay for awhile, then something happens and I take a step or two back. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's school, sometimes it's work. Everytime the circle comes around again, the good seems to get a little better. I make more money, I get good grades, whatever. I'm living a great house now, and out of an apartment or townhouse for the first time in my adult life. The bad, however, always gets worse. I hated my job; absolutely hated it. I was miserable, and I knew being a restaurant manager was not what I wanted to retire doing. I made this decision before, and it didn't turn out well, but once again the time looked right to get out and go back to school.

Money was already tight, and I expected to have a job much sooner than this. Now, I haven't been paid since May 16. I'm not sure what I need to change to break this pattern. I think about it everyday, and I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I wake up pissed off, mostly because I woke up (that goes away when the kids are around, but always manages to creep back in). I will be starting school in August, but who knows how that will go? The odds are pretty good that I'm either going to fail my classes or go broke. Then I'm just going to have to leave school and go right back into restaurant management. Maybe I should just accept my fate; condemned to the only thing I've ever done.

Anyway, I'm really screwed at the moment. I'll probably be homeless very soon..............again.