Ramblings, rants, ravings, and rhetoric

Yay bowling!

2008-07-09T22:38:00.000-07:00

151
127
115

My best day yet, and 151 is my best single game yet. I hurt myself about midway through. A couple of weeks ago it was my hand and forearm, but last night it was my knee. Christ I'm getting old. I'm suffering bowling injuries. Pathetic. We won in a clean sweep.

Thank You, FJM

2008-07-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

This, among many, many, many other reasons, is why I hate watching games on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball:

Al Oliver
Uploaded by bsap11

Just listen to the nonsense that comes out of Joe's mouth. After you're done, read Fire Joe Morgan. There's a link to the right.

Opting Out

2008-07-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, Alex Rodriguez's decision to skip the Home Run Derby during All-Star Weekend is stirring up some controversy. It never ceases to amaze me me just how much people love drama. Everyone will tell you otherwise, but then there they are, stirring the pot.

Reports: A-Rod passing on Home Run Derby

I have no problem with Alex Rodriguez skipping the Home Run Derby. I don't care if it actually screws up his swing or not, the point is he thinks it will. Rodriguez has a reputation as a head case, and baseball is just as much mental as it is physical. As a Yankee fan, Rodriguez's peace of mind is infinitely more important than the stupid Home Run Derby. Some players can participate in this thing with no problem, and there are others, not just Alex Rodriguez, who feel it screws with their mechanics. If you know anything about the game, then you know that even the smallest mechanical flaw is difficult to correct on the fly, even after you've identified the problem.

This isn't even a story. This is another reason for people to jump on Alex Rodriguez's case for taking was given to him. Get off his back and find something else to cry about, seriously.

Bowling night!

2008-06-25T13:02:00.000-07:00

91
118
113

I even threw 2 gutter-balls........Good thing we keep getting matched up against shittier teams. We won again. It turns out we didn't split last week, we actually won. Something about the handicap being wrong. I don't know.

MLB All-Star voting

2008-06-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

Every year something fairly controversial happens regarding the MLB All-Star voting, which is done by the fans. Their is a long history of ballot boxes being stuffed and undeserving players making the team because of the markets they play in. I'm a Yankees fan myself, and I personally did not vote for Derek Jeter, but if he is the starter, no big deal. I mean, has anyone A.L. shortstop been that much better? He is Derek Jeter after all. I also DID vote for Jason Giambi with at least half of my allotted votes. Maybe Justin Morneau deserves it more, but I don't think so. I won't argue too much if Kevin Youkilis ends up with the honor, either.

I'm not going to use this as sounding board for whether or not fans should be allowed to vote for the All-Star game. That's another topic for another day. There is, however, a grave injustice going on in American League voting now, and it's atrocious. I cannot sit quietly by while "Red Sox Nation" votes Dustin Pedroia onto the All-Star team as a starter. It's disgusting. Yes, he plays solid defense and he's a scrappy little player. Super. Great for the home team, but come on, look at Ian Kinsler's numbers as of this moment in comparison:

Kinsler: .305 12 HR 47 RBI 64 runs 19 SB .362 OBP .502 SLG
Pedroia: .282 6 HR 32 RBI 46 runs 8 SB .329 OBP .410 SLG

In case you're wondering how they're playing leading up to the All-Star game, Dustin Pedroia hit .260 in May and is sitting at .246 in June. In fact, his .282 batting average is still being held up by an 8 game stretch in April in which he went 16-32. Take that out, and he's a .257 hitter for the year. Kinsler, on the other hand, hit .305 in April, .300 in May, and is currently at .325 in June.

Only 3 guys in MLB have more hits than Kinsler does right now. Kinsler and Pedroia aren't even playing the same game. Ian Kinsler has consistently been a superior player to Dustin Pedroia all season long. Everyone please go to MLB.com and use your maximum 25 votes to vote for Ian Kinsler.

Kingpin?

2008-06-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

I joined a bowling a team with work that participates in a Restaurant Bowling League every Tuesday night. I don't why I did this, because I'm a shitty bowler and I hate losing. Also, I don't know anything about bowling. I've bowled maybe a dozen times. Anyway, last Tuesday was the first night for our team, and we got creamed. I bowled 101, 101, and 135. Woo-hoo. Tonight was even worse, as I bowled 81, 105, 127. Luckily, we split tonight. We played against the Silver Diner, and they weren't very good, either. It's a good time though, and who knows; maybe someday I'll actually be a decent bowler.

Weapons of Ass Destruction

2008-05-08T12:50:00.001-07:00

This Sunday is Mother's Day, so I thought we'd pay tribute to the time-honored tradition of getting the living shit beat out of you by your mother, using whatever object she could reach to beat you with. My mother actually was a big fan of using her own hands. Now, my mom is tiny. She's 5 feet tall and until very recently, weighed less than 100 pounds soaking wet. She was also scary (at least until I was about 12), and she packed a punch. Occasionally she liked to get creative, though. She wasn't very good at the belt thing; that was Dad. She did like to throw things, and though you'd never mistake her for Nolan Ryan, she had deadly aim when she was pissed.

There was one particular time when Eric and I were playing outside, and there must have been nothing to do, because we start to sing Michael Jackson songs while playing on the hood of the car. We were living in Salem Village, so I was probably 8, and he was 5 or 6. When you're on the hood of the car, the radio antenna makes a great microphone, until it snaps. My mother beat us with that radio antenna for 6 months, and that fucking thing hurt more than any switch or belt you were ever beat with.

I think the last time my mother hit me was when I was about 12. I can't remember what I did to piss her off this time, but she hit me, and it didn't hurt. By this time I was taller than her and outweighed her. So anyway, she hits me, and I'm trying really hard not to laugh. I didn't succeed, and she gets really pissed. She picks up a hard plastic baseball bat and starts swinging it at me. That was even funnier, and she stormed out of my room and gave me the "wait until your father gets home", which almost never amounted to anything. I'm pretty sure that's the last time my mother hit me.

P.S. I'm fully in favor of beating the hell out of your kids if the those little fuckers step out of line....

David's Guide to Dining Out For The Socially Inept

2008-04-28T12:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've done something like this before. Yes, I'm aware that there's virtually no chance that this is read by the people that need to read it. Every now and then, though, I just need to get some shit off my chest. I've been in this business for 13 years, and even though I'm working hard to get out, I will always have a soft spot for the restaurant business. I'm not getting out because it's not good money, and I don't want out because I hate the business itself. I'm getting out because I'm sick of dealing with the largely ignorant public as a whole. Now, I know I had a choice here. I chose to work at a well-known chain restaurant, as opposed to a 4-star local place, because I know that in southeastern Virginia, your best bet to make money is quantity over quality, because such quality is just too few and far between here.

First, this isn't going to focus on tipping, or the lack thereof. I know some people are just plain cheap. I know I'm going to get shitty tips that I do not deserve. This is no longer a big deal to me, because I'm very good at what I do, and I'll make my money in the end. It's all of the other dumb shit you do that really gets to me.

Let's start at the front door. You walk into a busy restaurant: let's say, just as an example, The Cheesecake Factory. You get to the front desk and they tell you it will be a 45-60 minute wait. At this point, you have a choice: (a)you can choose to wait up to an hour just to get a table, or (b)you can carry your ass somewhere else. Most of you, for one inexplicable reason or another, will choose to wait. That's fine by me, because the more people we pack into the restaurant, the more money I'm going to make. Since I can count on about 25% of you tipping me 10% or less, and to round up all the cattle I can. Now, remember, they told you that you might wait 60 minutes for a table. When your pager goes off 55 minutes later, don't come to my table with a fucking attitude about how long you waited. Sure, most restaurants don't know how to quote a wait. We do. Get over it. You made that bed when you took the pager.

Now that you have a table and you're settled in, it's time for the dining experience to begin. I will be at your table in one minute or less, so please make sure you're ready. I don't mean that you should know what you want to eat, but you should be ready to give me your attention and the respect I deserve as the person who is now in charge of orchestrating your dining experience for the remainder of the evening. Start by hanging up your damn phone. If the conversation is that important, chances are you shouldn't be out eating. Being on the phone is a sure-fire way to piss me off right from the get go, and I'm going to be less inclined to go out of way to provide you with an over-the-top fantastic dining experience. You're already one strike on the hole.

Next, when I speak to you, look me in the eye. Don't stare at the table when you talk. Don't mumble. If you can't look at me and speak clearly, don't get mad at me when your order comes out wrong. This is another strike against you. This doesn't mean I'm going to intentionally ruin your experience. Again, I'm just not going out of way to make it special for you. If you do this because you have some sort of social anxiety disorder, then Pizza Hut let's you order online.

I am a server, but I am not not your servant. Do not talk down to me. I wait tables to pay my bills while I'm in school. I'm majoring in aerospace engineering and mathematics, with a minor in physics, and that's because I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer or any number of other jobs I'm more than capable of doing. My IQ is high enough for me to join Mensa. There's a 90-95% chance that I'm a hell of a lot smarter than you, so don't talk down to me just because you're paying. The point is, you have no idea why your server has chosen to wait tables, and you are no better than they are. Treat them with the same respect that you think you deserve.

On that note, I introduce myself for a reason. My name is David. Use it. Don't call me "excuse me: and for Christ's sake don't call me "sir".

Some other things you should never, ever do upon sitting down and being greeted by your server:

1. DO NOT pull out your money clip and place it on the table or start counting it in front of me. At this point, I know you have no intention of leaving a good tip, and the odds are good you won't tip me at all. I've been in this business a long time, and that is a sure sign that you are an intentionally shitty tipper. You know the saying 'You get what you pay for?' You might not want to let me know what you intend to pay for right off hand, because that's exactly what I'll give you. You just slipped to the very bottom of my priority list, and all of my other guests will get what they need first.

2. DO NOT bring those stupid powder packets that you can add to your water to make lemonade or fruit punch. If you don't want plain water, and you don't want to pay for a drink, please don't come to a restaurant like the Cheesecake Factory. While we're certainly not 5-star, we aren't Denny's either. Have some class. Just like Money Clip Guy, you've now told me I cannot expect to make much money here, and you've slipped on the priority list.

3. DO NOT interrupt me. EVER. When I come over to introduce myself and I ask how you are or some other such greeting, don't stop me in the middle to order a sweet tea. This goes back to the respect issue, and treating people the way you like to be treated. I probably have some things I need to tell you because the restaurant makes me, and there are some other things I'm going to add in because my job is to give you the best possible experience I can. Don't interrupt or I won't care if you have a good time or not, and you just became the last asshole in my section to get a drink refill.

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, it's time to get down to business. Hopefully you've avoided all of the above no-nos, but you are not in the clear yet. I've brought your drinks and you've had a few minutes to look at the menu. I've given a couple of quick suggestions. If you still need a few minutes to decide, great. I'll be happy to make some more suggestions, tell you about certain dishes, and help you narrow down a few choices. That's part of what I do to make sure you get exactly what you want. If you still need to look, that's fine too, but I'm going to walk away and tend to the other 3 (at least) parties of guests that I'm taking care of. DO NOT tell me that you're ready to order and then spend 5 more minutes looking while I stand table-side waiting. This will piss me off, and it will ensure that you now get more than enough time to decide, because I will walk away without notice for at least 5 more minutes, and I will blatantly ignore your first attempt to get my attention.

You aren't quite sure what to order, so you have a few questions. Great! I spent a lot of time learning everything I could about the 200 items on our menu so that I could adequately answer your questions. Here's the thing. You don't know shit about the food except what the menu says. I do know basically everything. If I tell you about a dish, and it doesn't sound exactly like something you want. DON'T FUCKING ORDER IT!!!! You are not at Golden Corral. You cannot just try something and send it back if you don't like it. If you want to modify a dish and I tell you it won't be good that way, take my word for it. We've already established that I'm smarter than you. If I tell you about a dish and you hesitate for even a second, I'm going to drive home just how much you WILL NOT like that dish, and if you choose to order it anyway, and it turns out that I was right about you hating it, oh well. You had more than enough information at hand to make a good choice, and you chose poorly. No immortality for you. If the kitchen screws something up, we'll pay for it. If you don't like something that I specifically told you that you wouldn't like? Well, you know what they say in Russia*. I'll box it up for you since you paid for it, and maybe the dog will eat it.

Back to the subject of getting my attention. We're a busy restaurant. I personally take care of as many as 20-30 people at one time. There will be occasions when I have many things to do at once, and you may need to get my attention. I have no problem with this, except there are right and wrong ways to go about it. When I'm on the floor, I make eye contact with each one of my guests before I go to the kitchen or the bar or wherever I have to go. If you need something, and I'm headed in the other direction, a small gesture to let me know is acceptable. I'm happy to get you what you need. Most people by now are aware that snapping your fingers might get a drink "accidentally" spilled on you, but some people don't seem to be aware that it is rude to yell at me when I'm talking to another guest at another table. Are you fucking kidding me? I didn't interrupt you when you were on your cell phone, and I didn't intentionally give you unsweet tea when you ordered sweet tea in the middle of my greeting to you, so who the hell are you to yell at me when I'm clearly speaking to someone else?

There are several other things you should and should not do during the meal:

1. If you ordered an appetizer for the table, please lend a hand when we bring it out and clear a space in the middle of the fucking table. Don't look at us like we have three heads when we stand there with the plate and nowhere to put it on the table.

2. DO NOT let your kid make a mess all over the table and floor. It's ridiculous people. Bring a toy or a bottle or whatever, but don't let the little shit throw Cheerios all over the floor. On top of being tacky, you aren't going to tip me any extra to clean up the extra mess. There is a reason The Cheesecake Factory doesn't have a kid's menu.

3. If you're thirsty, fine, but if you think I'm refilling your Diet Coke 11 times before your dinner gets to the table, you're nuts.

Okay, so I lied. It's time to talk about money. Contrary to popular belief, I know that the vast majority of the guests I take care of know that the restaurant pays me $2.13 an hour, and that I will never get a raise in my hourly pay. That means I make every dime from the guests I take care of. When you go out to eat at an upscale casual restaurant like The Cheesecake Factory, you are paying for more than food. Your check covers the food, but the tip is for the service you received. Do you get new tires for your car without paying for labor? No. By the same token, you can't get food without paying for the service, either, unless you go to McDonald's. When you don't tip, or leave me 10% of your bill or less, you've in essence stolen from me. There is never, ever any excuse to leave a tip that is less than 10% of your bill. If your service was that bad, a manager should have known about long before you got your check. I have never worked with anyone who gave service that deserved a $5 tip on a $150 check, and yet I see it all the time.

1. If your food came out cooked wrong, it's not your server's fault. Don't take it out on them.

2. If you don't like the dish, it's not your server's fault, ESPECIALLY if they told you before you ordered it that you wouldn't like it.

3. If you had a bad day and you're in a shitty mood, it's not your server's fault. They have just as many bad days as you, if not more, and they don't take it out on you.

4. If you don't have a lot money, it's not your server's fault. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out. Order take out or cook at home.

I don't think I'm going to spend much more time talking about your awful tipping habits, but I hope those of you who have never worked in the food service industry understand just how far a little respect goes, because karma will get you in the end.

*Toughkie Shitskie........I don't know what it means either, but my father loved saying it to me when I was a kid.

Happy Birthday to Me

2008-04-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

I just can't seem to get it right today (today)
I just can't seem to get it right today (today)
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up

It's nearly been a year since he's been gone
we still sing his goodbye songs
and she knows she should move on
but she just can't let him go
no, she just can't let him go

I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
You should know I never meant to hide
I just hate bringin you down
oh, I just hate bringin you down

I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up

And I dropped my paintbrush in the dirt
I'm still numb by just how much I hurt
I cut my hand, wait for it to work
but I just couldn't bring him back
no, I just couldn't bring him back

I just can't seem to get it right today
Oh, I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh lord I said I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh lord I said I guess I'm gonna give up

2008 A.L. East Projections

2008-03-24T17:26:00.000-07:00

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. New York Yankees 98-64
2. Boston Red Sox 95-67
3. Tampa Bay Rays 82-80
4. Toronto Blue Jays 80-82
5. Baltimore Orioles 59-103

Like it or not, the two best teams in baseball still reside in New York and Boston, and despite what most want to believe, the Yankees and Red Sox will both coast into the playoffs once again.

1. New York Yankees (98-64): Am I a Yankees fan? Yes. Does that have something to do with me picking them to finish first in the A.L. East? Probably, but the Yankees showed everyone last year in nearly erasing a 14-game deficit to catch the eventual World Champs that when they're healthy no one is better. That being said, health is still the major concern in New York. Andy Pettitte's back problems seem to be minor right now, but at 35 they're a bigger concern than Josh Beckett's back problems in Boston. Chien-Ming Wang may not be the playoff ace the Yankees need, but he's a very solid number two, having won 19 games each of the last two years. With the emergence of Phil Hughes, who is looking more and more like a #1, and Ian Kennedy, who is already a solid middle-of-the-rotation pitcher, there is far less concern with the Yankee staff heading into '08 than in '07. We all know the Yankees can hit, and the Yankees are deep enough that Joe Girardi should be able to give Jason Giambi, Hideki Matsui, and Johnny Damon enough rest to keep them healthy. With Joba Chamberlain in the Yankee bullpen for at least half the season, the Yankees will see improvement there, as well. The Yankees also have an embarrassment of riches in the system in the way of young arms, so acquiring help through the trade market won't be much of a problem should the need arise.

2. Boston Red Sox (95-67): Josh Beckett's back spasms are only a minor concern right now, but with Curt Schilling on the shelf already, they can ill-afford to lose Beckett. Clay Buchholz will likely be on a short leash as far as his innings are concerned. Daisuke Matsuzaka still has to prove he can pitch every 5th day for an entire season. The bullpen is still one of baseball's best. Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz will have their typical huge seasons, Julio Lugo can't possibly be that bad again, and Jacoby Ellsbury is an upgrade in center over Coco Crisp.

3. Tampa Bay Rays (82-80): Baseball is losing it's mind. The Rays and the Royals finishing above .500. God help us. The truth is, this team is deeper in young talent than anyone in the majors, and they're on the verge of making a run for the playoffs. It won't happen in '08, but it's not far away. They mishandled the Evan Longoria situation, but it won't be long until he's the everyday 3B. David Price, Wade Davis, and Jake McGee aren't far away, either. Carlos Pena will probably see a dip in batting average, but there's no reason to believe he can't hit 35 HR.

4. Toronto Blue Jays (80-82): The Blue Jays are the trendy pick to challenge the Yankees and Red Sox in the division, but I just don't see it. Scott Rolen just can't hit anymore, and David Eckstein never could. They have a couple of good young arms in the rotation and bullpen, but A.J. Burnett's chances of making 30 starts are pretty slim considering it's a feat he's managed twice since 1999. Alex Rios is a star, and bounce-back years from Vernon Wells and Lyle Overbay would help, but I still see a 4th place, sub-.500 team.

5.Baltimore Orioles (59-103): I don't even know what to say.

2008 A.L. Central Projections

2008-03-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. Cleveland Indians 94-68
2. Detroit Tigers 92-70
3. Minnesota Twins 83-79
4. Kansas City Royals 82-80
5. Chicago White Sox 78-84

1. Cleveland Indians (94-68): Fausto Carmona is for real, and C.C Sabathia is a horse. They'll need to have a better year from Travis Hafner, but they have more than enough bats to win this division, and they are hungry.

2. Detroit Tigers (92-70): The addition of Miguel Cabrera gives the Tigers one of the two or three best offenses in baseball. The addition of Dontrelle Willis, however, does nothing positive. After Justin Verlander, the Tiger rotation is below average, with a chance to be downright abysmal. Jeremy Bonderman has a career ERA over 5, Kenny Rogers is getting old, and the bullpen is in shambles with Zumaya and Rodney unable to stay on the field. This team might score 1000 runs, though, and that will get you pretty far; just not into the playoffs.

3. Minnesota Twins (83-79): There is life after Johan Santana. Francisco Liriano looks great, Boof Bonser, Scott Baker, and Kevin Slowey are going to be solid, and Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau and Delmon Young will provide anough O to keep Minnesota above the .500 mark.

4. Kansas City Royals (82-80): Yes, that's right. A winning record. It's a new day in Kansas City. Gil Meche is proving to be worth at least most of the money he was given, Jose Guillen is a solid addition to the middle of the order, and Billy Butler and Alex Gordon are primed for solid seasons.

5. Chicago White Sox (78-84): The Sox can outhit KC and Minnesota, and they can probably outpitch Detroit, but it won't be enough to keep them out of last. Nick Swisher should have a nice year, Josh Fields needs to be in the lineup everyday, and Paul Konerko and Jermaine Dye can still hit. The rotation is less than stellar, though the bullpen should be good. The Sox could finish as high as 3rd, but I'm not really buying it.

2008 A.L. West Projections

2008-03-24T15:18:00.000-07:00

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. Seattle Mariners 90-72
2. Los Angeles Angels 90-72
3. Texas Rangers 78-84
4. Oakland Athletics 69-93

A toss-up here. I think the Angels have real injury concerns here, both in the outfield and in the rotation

1. Seattle Mariners (90-72): The Mariners are banking that Erik Bedard and an overpaid Carlos Silva can pitch them to a division title. That might very well happen if Felix Hernandez becomes the ace he's projected to be. The Mariners bullpen is one of baseball's strongest, led by J.J. Putz who is one of the top 2 or 3 closers in the league. The Mariner's lineup doesn't instill fear in anyone, but they might be just good enough. Could a mid-season trade for Adam Dunn put them over the top?

2. Los Angeles Angels (90-72): Lackey and Escobar are both going to begin the year on the DL. Gary Matthews, Jr. is banged up, Vladimir Guerrero is getting old fast, and Torii Hunter was not the thunder that L.A. was looking for to help Vlad. This team is in danger of missing the playoffs in 2008.

3. Texas Rangers (78-84): As usual, the Rangers have no pitching whatsoever. If Milton Bradley stays on the field, however, they can hit. With Hank Blalock healthy and ready for a good year and Josh Hamilton now manning centerfield, the Rangers have more than enough firepower to stay out of the cellar.

4. Oakland (69-93): Hey, Bobby Crosby isn't hurt yet. If he and Rich Harden stay healthy and are productive, they'll likely get dealt, as will Joe Blanton. This team is a candidate to lose 100 games in '08.

2008 N.L. West Projections

2008-03-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. Los Angeles Dodgers 91-71
2. Colorado Rockies 90-72
3. San Diego Padres 88-74
4. Arizona Diamondbacks 88-74
5. San Francisco 61-101

Once again the N.L. West will be a 4-team slugfest and Baseball's best division.

1. Los Angeles Dodgers (91-71): Joe Torre is known as a guy whose best attribute is the ability to handle the egos of overpaid veteran superstars. The Dodgers are a team that has been plagued by in-fighting between it's veterans and up-and-coming stars. The Dodgers are also a team that is going to rely heavily on it's young stars in 2008. Matt Kemp is an All-Star in the making, and Andre Ethier is an above-average Major League outfielder, and is a better option for the Dodgers than Juan Pierre, who perennially leads the league in outs. Bounce-back years from Rafael Furcal and Andruw Jones make the Dodgers an offensive powerhouse. Brad Penny and Derek Lowe will continue to post solid numbers for L.A., Chad Billingsley is an ace, Hiroki Kuroda may be the league's best 4th starter, and the Clayton Kershaw era will begin soon. Takashi Saito is an elite closer, and Johnathan Broxton is an elite closer-in-waiting. The rest of the Dodger bullpen is solid, assuming Joe Torre doesn't throw them until their arms fall off.

2. Colorado Rockies (90-72): Like the Milwaukee Brewers, the Rockies aren't sneaking up anyone this year. Matt Holliday is one of the league's best hitters, and Brad Hawpe's improvement against left-handed pitching provides Colorado with one the National League's top one-two punches. Garrett Atkins continues to be underrated, Troy Tulowitzki will enjoy a fine season at SS, Todd Helton remains an on-base machine and should hit .315 again, and a healthy Willy Taveras will score 125 runs atop that lineup. The bullpen is solid. The question marks come from the starting rotation. Jeff Francis is no ace, but he is solid and he's a winner. The rest of the rotation is suspect, though Ubaldo Jimenez and Franklin Morales have loads of ability.

3. San Diego Padres (88-74): Kevin Towers has this uncanny ability for sniffing out good major league middle relievers (See: Heath Bell, Cla Meredith, Kevin Cameron). This year's candidate might be Joe Thatcher. Jake Peavy is one of the NL's two best pitchers, and Greg Maddux is still the smartest pitcher in the league. Randy Wolf should be solid if healthy, and if Mark Prior stays healthy he will be a major boon to that rotation. I don't expect much from Jim Edmonds, but it won't matter because Scott Hairston can hit. Demoting Chase Headley was a questionable decision, but he'll be back sooner rather than later, and his bat is more than ready. Adrian Gonzalez is a star, Kevin Kouzmanoff will be an above-average 3B at the plate, and Khalil Greene will lead all ML shortstops in HR and RBI.

4. Arizona Diamondbacks (88-74): Eric Byrnes and Orlando Hudson are coming off career years at the plate, and while neither is likely to repeat their performances, both should come fairly close. Stephen Drew, Justin Upton, Conor Jackson, and Chris Young are young hitters who will be asked to, and should be able to, shoulder most of the offensive load, but they likely won't be able to outhit Colorado or L.A. Brandon Lyon, Tony Pena, Chad Qualls, and Juan Cruz make up a very good bullpen, regardless of who gets the saves. Brandon Webb is an ace, Dan Haren is a very good number 2, but a lot of the D-Backs fortunes will align with the health of Randy Johnson.

5. San Francisco (61-101): Woof. These guys might not score 600 runs this season. I'm serious. They might as well call Angel Villalona up now. Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum both have "ace" written all over them, but unless they both spend a ton of time in the batting cage, the Giants aren't going to score enough for these guys to win. Bengie Molina is going to hit clean-up for crying out loud.

2008 N.L. Central Projections

2008-03-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. Chicago Cubs 92-70
2. Cincinnati Reds 89-73
3. Milwaukee Brewers 88-74
4. Houston Astros 85-77
5. St. Louis Cardinals 75-87
6. Pittsburgh Pirates 73-89

1. Chicago Cubs (92-70): Kosuke Fukodome was a solid addition, even if Lou Piniella misuses him. Fukodome should hit 2nd and Soriano should hit 5th, but as long as they keep a consistent lineup they should get off to a better start than last year. Carlos Zambrano is not the elite ace everyone thought he might be, but he is an innings-eating horse and always a potential 20-game winner. Ted Lilly and Rich Hill are solid, Jon Leiber is serviceable as a 4th starter, and Sean Marshall will be nice addition to the rotation if he isn't dealt for Brian Roberts. I don't expect the Ryan Dempster experiment to end well, but the Cubs are deep enough without him. The bullpen is very good with Carlos Marmol, Bob Howry, and Michael Wurtz. A healthy Kerry Wood makes it even better. Speaking of a Brian Roberts deal, get a load of this:

1. Brian Roberts 2B
2. Kosuke Fukodome RF
3. Derrek Lee 1B
4. Aramis Ramirez 3B
5. Alfonso Soriano LF
6. Geovany Soto C
7. Ryan Theriot SS
8. Felix Pie CF

2. Cincinnati Reds (89-73): They'll likely find a way to screw this up. This is one team that is just as likely to be very good as they are to be very bad. Aaron Harang is the most underrated pitcher in the National League. Johnny Cueto and Edinson Volquez have both been lights out this spring, but they are young and untested. The bullpen gets a boost with the addition of Francisco Cordero, but his fastball command is still worrisome. Joey Votto should enjoy a fine season if he plays everyday. Corey Patterson could go either way, but if he flops Jay Bruce is waiting to take over, and his bat is ready. Dusty will undoubtedly find a way to get Adam Dunn out of his lineup, and I wouldn't be surprised to see Dunn dealt this year, especially if the Reds fall out of it early.

3. Milwaukee Brewers (88-74): The Brewers aren't sneaking up on anybody this year. Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun are bonafide studs, and Corey Hart should continue to emerge as one the league's better power/speed threats, but Rickie Weeks may never be the player his potential says he should be, Fielder is unhappy about his contract situation, Bill Hall is changing positions yet again, J.J. Hardy has lost 10 pounds due to an illness (remember Alex Rios, 2006?) and Ben Sheets, Yovani Gallardo, and Manny Parra will always carry injury risks to match their immense talent. Speaking of injury risks, if Eric Gagne gets hurt (which never happens, right?) the Brewers will likely turn to Derrick Turnbow to close games. Yuck.

4. Houston Astros (85-77): This team could lead the N.L. in runs scored in 2008, but the pitching rotation is Roy Oswalt and Pray for Rain. Wandy Rodriguez is the N.L. version of Ervin Santana, Woody Williams is 128 years old, and Shawn Chacon has won a rotation spot. Bleh. The bullpen is solid enough with the addition of Jose Valverde, but they're going to get the Scott Proctor treatment this season.

5. St. Louis Cardinals (75-87): Oh, do these guys stink. Albert Pujols needs Tommy John surgery, and if he goes down this is the worst team baseball. Chris Carpenter, Mark Mulder, and Matt Clement are long-shots to stay healthy, at best. Adam Wainwright is a solid pitcher, but to say there are question marks after him is a bit of an understatement. Rick Ankiel and Troy Glaus are another couple of what-ifs, but Ankiel has looked very good this spring. The sooner Colby Rasmus gets to the majors, the better.

6. Pittsburgh Pirates (73-91): Ian Snell and Tom Gorzelanny are both good young pitchers, and Matt Morris should have a better year, but this is probably the most boring, faceless team in baseball. Steven Pearce, Andrew McCutchen, and Neil Walker should give fans a reason to head out to PNC in the second half of '08. The Pirates have a bright future, but it won't be this year.

2008 N.L. East Projections

2008-03-24T12:38:00.000-07:00

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions based on the analysis of statistics. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end; so, I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

1. New York Mets 95-67
2. Philadelphia Phillies 93-69
3. Atlanta Braves 87-75
4. Washington Nationals 70-92
5. Florida Marlins 68-94

This is not going to be the slam-dunk that a lot of people thought it would be when the Mets aquired Johan Santana. The Mets and Phillies should provide us with a great rivalry for the next several years, but this time the Mets hang on to take the division.

1. New York Mets (95-67): Johan Santana might win 25 games at Shea. A healthy Pedro Martinez, John Maine and Oliver Perez could provide the Mets with one of the National League's best rotations, or it could be a complete disaster after Santana. David Wright and Jose Reyes are two of the very best young hitters in the game, but there are injury concerns everywhere else. The bullpen is solid, especially with a healthy Duaner Sanchez. Once Sanchez regains his form and his role as top set-up man, look for Aaron Heilman to get dealt.

2. Philadelphia Phillies(93-69): The Phightin' Phils added plenty of power this offseason with Pedro Feliz and Geoff Jenkins, but the pitching is still suspect. Cole Hamels is on the verge of becoming a true ace, but after Brett Myers there are a lot of problems. There is almost zero chance Kyle Kendrick pitches as well as he did last year. Both Brad Lidge and Tom Gordon are injury risks, and there isn't much in the bullpen after that. Pedro Feliz's on-base ability is less than inspiring, and Jenkins is pretty much a platoon guy, but Rollins, Howard, and Utley are still elite and will do a lot of damage all on their own.

3. Atlanta Braves (87-75): This is a team that just will not go away. John Smoltz may be beginning to show signs of his age, but he is still a great pitcher. If Mike Hampton can make 25 starts this year at anywhere near the level he's shown in spring training, the Braves are going to hang around this race well into the summer. The Braves bullpen is better than Philly's, and the Braves were 3rd in the National League in runs scored in '07, with Mark Teixeira for only half a season. Mike Gonzalez will provide a big boost to the bullpen when he returns this summer.

4. Washington Nationals (70-92): This should be a tight race for last place. It's The new stadium should benefit Ryan Zimmerman, never good when you release your Opening Day starter a week before the season starts.who will emerge as one the N.L.'s top 3B, as well as Austin Kearns, who should hit 25-30 home runs as Washington's everday right fielder. The bottom line is pitching, though, and the Nationals have none. Zip. The new Opening Day starter is Odalis Perez. Dreadful. Tyler Clippard should get a shot in '08, and we may see Ross Detwiler sometime this season. They're going to have to hit to compete, and that means Lastings Milledge will have to break out completely, Elijah Dukes will have to stay on the field and out of prison, and Nick Johnson will have to stay healthy. Good luck with all of that. Chad Cordero should be dealt by the All-Star break, leaving Jon Rauch to close games.

5. Florida Marlins (68-94): Andrew Miller and Cameron Maybin are a year away from making real contributions. Jeremy Hermida can't stay healthy enough to realize his potential (though this may be the year). Jorge Cantu has a starting spot. On the bright side, they still have Hanley Ramirez, Scott Olsen is finally putting it together, and Dan Uggla's batting average can't get worse. They also don't have to worry about any of those pesky fans making a bunch of noise while they're trying to play, since there won't be any there.

Spring is Upon Us.

2008-03-24T12:11:00.000-07:00

Spring officially starts tomorrow, and it has nothing to do with the vernal equinox. Beginning at 6:05 a.m. EST on Tuesday, March 25, a singular focus takes precedent over pretty much everything else in my life: Baseball. For the next 7 months I will eat, drink, and sleep nothing but baseball. I'm getting up at 5:45 tomorrow morning because the Red Sox and Athletics are opening the season in Japan this year. Mind you, I've already spent loads of time drafting fantasy baseball teams, analyzing statistics and projections, checking spring training boxscores and injury updates, scouring transaction logs, etc, but the real fun starts tomorrow. I have my MLB Extra Innings package ready to go, and between that and TiVo, I won't miss a Yankee game all year.

One of every baseball nerd's favorite pastimes is making projections and predictions. I do it every year, but I never remember where I've put it by season's end, so I'm going to do it here, and we'll see how close I come.

It's supposed to fun, right?

2008-03-09T21:33:00.000-07:00

Jonathan, my 9-year old, plays Little League baseball. Last weekend he had tryouts, and I went down there with him to watch. Now, I helped coach Jon's team last year, and I was intending to do the same this season. One of these days, I'd get a team of my own, but I wasn't ready for that this season. Well, as I'm sitting in the bleachers Sunday afternoon, the player agent for the 9-11 year olds comes out and starts asking for a volunteer. Apparently, they had a team in my son's division that was without a manager. I hid from her at first, but when no one else said yes, I just said fuck it and told her I'd do it. So, here's how it's going so far:

Sunday, March 2: I'm asked and agree to manage the Minor A Mariners. It's about 5:00 p.m. and tryouts are over for the day.

Saturday, March 8: The third day of tryouts, but the first time I'd be seeing the 10 and 11-year-old players. Everything is rained out as we experience heavy showers and gale force winds. No big deal, one more day to go.

Sunday, March 9: Last day of tryouts. Rained out again.

Tomorrow night is the draft, and I have no idea who these kids are and what they can do. Now, this isn't that important to me as a coach. I have a lot of knowledge and what I feel is a pretty good plan for teaching these boys. It doesn't matter the skill level of the players I get, because by the end of the season they will all have had a great time playing ball, they'll gain more respect and knowledge about the game, and they will all be better ball-players heading into next year.

It does raise and interesting dilemma, however. The problem lies in the fact that most Little League coaches only do it because (1) they want to guarantee their kids playing time, or (2) winning as a Little League coach makes them feel good about being a shitty player when they were young. This leads to lots and lots of cheating. You have no idea how much cheating goes on in Little League baseball. Managers will round up the fathers of all the best players and have them as coaches, so they can coach the most talented kids. If that doesn't work, they identify some of the best players and have them skip tryouts or play at half-speed so they won't be identified as good players. Like I said, it doesn't much matter to me, except that the first and foremost goal is for the boys to learn and have fun. Losing is not fun, though, and if I get taken advantage of by coaches who only care about their win-loss records, the kids on my team will suffer for it. They may not win at first, and that can be discouraging.

I'm not too worried about it. I definitely feel like I have a lot to teach, and my experience in the restaurant business over all these years has led me to believe that I'm a fairly effective teacher. No matter what, my main goal is to provide a fun and structured environment for the kids to learn how to play and learn to really love the game. I'm hoping to be the kind of coach most Little League players never encounter. We'll see how it goes. My first practice is next Saturday.

**Update: I'm no longer coaching this team, and Jonathan is no longer playing in this league. Long story; maybe I'll get into it later, but we're looking for a new place for the boy to play.

February must be a bad month for blogging.

2008-02-19T09:41:00.000-08:00

I am absolutely swamped. I'm way in over my head at school. I need to take time off work to study more, but I'm actually already not working enough to pay the bills. I'm under a ton of stress, and it's affecting me both mentally and physically now. I'm a step slow at work, I'm not getting the studying done that I need to, and even when I do I could do better. I can't afford to get through this semester with C's, and if I keep taking things to give me energy and/or keep me awake, my head is going to explode. I'm experiencing tightness in my chest on occasion, I'm sometimes short of breathe, I get these sharp pains at the bottom of ribs on either side, my back hurts, my neck hurts, my shoulders hurt, and the Saturday before Valentine's Day I couldn't really carry anything with my left arm for about 3 hours. I'm getting too old for this shit.

We can, and we just might.

2008-02-13T06:04:00.001-08:00

This Old House

2008-02-04T09:23:00.000-08:00

Some pros and cons of buying a "fixer-upper":

Pros: Cheaper, and there is some amount of satisfaction to doing the work yourself.

Cons: Sometimes you get 4 Roto Rooter service men in 2 vans digging a 500 cubic-foot hole in your front yard with a backhoe. I need to get a picture of this.........

A Giant Win

2008-02-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

Steve Spagnuolo had Tom Brady's kryptonite last night.

For everyone who doesn't follow football much and has only been listening to the media talk about New England's invincibility and what a monumental upset the Giants 17-14 win in Super Bowl XLII was, don't believe the hype. The best football team won last night, and I don't mean the Giants were the best team because they won this one game. All throughout the playoffs, the Giants were the best team. When the Patriots and Giants met during week 17, the Giants were the better team then, too. Whatever clicked inside Eli Manning during that game is all the Giants needed. The defense did the rest. Whether or not Manning translates this into further development into the player so many think he is or can be remains to seen, but he had a hell of a 5 game stretch beginning with the Week 17 loss to the Patriots.

I can't say I'm necessarily happy the Giants won, being a Redskins fan, but I'm becoming more and more a fan of Michael Strahan. I also can't help but be happy for Plax, someone I saw not given much of a chance by those who didn't understand him when we were kids and tolerated by the rest because of his immense physical talent.

What is truely great about it, though, is the chink in Tom Brady's armor. He's not invincible, folks, so let it go. Maybe now Boston will be a little more realistic about the Celtics.

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend

2008-01-21T17:05:00.000-08:00

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

We cannot turn back.

There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. *We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by a sign stating: "For Whites Only."* We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of
Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (January 15, 1929-April 4, 1968)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why I Fired My Secretary

2008-01-17T19:21:00.000-08:00

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well when I awoke that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.' I thought..."Well, that's marriage for you": but the kids.... they will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was pretty despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday; what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me?"

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch, But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we ?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment; it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok," I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake................followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch..

Naked.

Your life may be the only Bible some people read

2008-01-16T08:23:00.000-08:00

Merriam-Webster defines integrity as a firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values. I've always told the people that have worked for me that integrity is simply doing what is right when no one is looking. It seems like such a simple thing, but I am constantly reminded of how so few people actually think about the consequences of their actions. Now, I'm not referring to your own personal consequences, because that is ALL most people care about. I'm talking about thinking through what it is your decsion is going to mean for the others that it affects, like taking something from someone else. People steal; it's a fact. Some people steal out of need, which of course isn't right, but what about people who steal just to do it? Those people clearly have no integrity; they did not stop to think that, sure, I'm getting a $20 piece of useful equipment, but maybe I'm taking more than that from someone else. What this person failed to realize is that they have stolen valuable time from life that I will never be able to get back. Seems minor to you, but it clearly has a greater impact on me. Was it worth it? Do you even care?

“It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.”
-Francis Bacon

It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.

2008-01-15T08:21:00.000-08:00

I'm really starting to hate old people. That's not true; I just hate old drivers. I'm getting awfully tired of having to look out for the poof of white just showing above the steering wheel of a Lincoln Aircraft Carrier.

Last night I was leaving my neighborhood and a car stalled out in the right-hand lane of N. Lynnhaven Road just before Virginia Beach Blvd. No big deal. I was two cars back, and we just manuevered over to the left lane (I suppose I could've gotten out and helped, but she had phone, and I had somewhere to be) and waited at the light. Well, behind me was an older lady in a Jetta. She was at least 65, probably a litle older. Well, it apparently doesn't occur to her that everyone in the right lane had moved around this car (a green Escort or something). It also clearly didn't occur to her that the stationary vehicle with the flashing hazard lights wasn't going to be moving, because she just continued to creep up on this girl until she plowed right into the back of her. I guess she figured, "Well, this car isn't moving, but this is the way I need to go, so fuck it. She'll move if I get close enough, right?" Which leads me to my next point:

It's only natural that when most of us get older we lose our hearing and our vision (especially peripheral) diminishes. I don't think those are the sole reasons for so many older people to be such awful drivers. No, I think a lot of people get to a certain age and just say "fuck it, I'll do what I want," like

"Well, I'm stopped here in the right lane, but I need to turn left. I don't really feel like driving up there to make a u-turn, so fuck it, I'm just going to go. Everyone else will just have to watch out."

or

"I really need to get out of this parking lot, but there are four lanes of traffic coming right now. Fuck it. They'll stop."

or

"I really need to change lanes. It's too much trouble to check my mirrors, and I can't see anything anyway, so fuck it. Everyone else should be watching."

"I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect."
-George Burns (1896-1996)

It just seems stupid to me that we can tell a 16-year old kid that they're fit to drive, hand them a little plastic card with their picture on it, and send them out to drive forever and ever. As long as you don't get caught breaking any traffic laws you can drive for the rest of your life. Not getting tickets doesn't make you a fit driver. I'm sick of dodging kids on cell phones, drunk drivers (that's another post, though), and old people who have almost zero awareness of there surroundings. Is it that we feel we are "disrespecting our elders" if their driving privileges are taken away? What's wrong with requiring regular vision and hearing screens and a road test after the age of 55? Have you earned the right to endanger my life because you've managed to stay alive for more than a half-century? I don't think so.

I think what so many people forget is that driving is an earned privilege, not a right-of-birth. I can't tell you the trouble I've been in throughout the 13 years I've been driving just because I drive a little fast, especially on deserted roads, when people who repeatedly put other drivers in danger are allowed to just keep doing it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'm not a bad driver just because I've had a few tickets. I don't break any more traffic laws than the rest of you, I just get caught more. I am however, a more alert driver than most, and I am constantly aware of my surroundings when I drive (unless I'm really tired.....). You all have just been luckier. Am I being disrespectful to the generations before me? No. Sure, when you're 80 years old, maybe you've earned the right to bitch and complain and have the rest of us turn a blind eye, but I think I've earned the right to make an attempt to live to be your age without you running me off the road and into a fucking lamppost.

So Long To A Legend

2008-01-09T19:26:00.000-08:00

Joe Gibbs stepped down yesterday as head coach of the Washington Redskins, ending his comeback from retirement and induction into the NFL Hall of Fame after 4 up-and-down years. It's a sad day. Sure, the rigors of being a head coach in the NFL maybe too much for the 67-year old Gibbs, and perhaps a younger coach is in order. None of this diminishes what Joe Gibbs has meant to the Redskins organization, the Redskins players, and Redskins fans. There's not even any need to delve into the astounding statistics, because Gibbs is already enshrined in Canton. For anyone too young to remember Gibbs' first go-round in the NFL, you need look no further for a shining example of what it means to be a leader of men.

You will be missed Coach Gibbs. I wish the best to you and your family, especially Taylor. Thanks for everything.

It's never too early for fantasy baseball..

2008-01-07T19:53:00.000-08:00

I'm starting up a new fantasy baseball league. All of the information can be found on the website I created for the league:

The Sandlot

This will be a very competitive and fun league. If anyone comes across this post and is interested, check out the site and the accompanying message board. If it looks like something that you can handle, let me know. I'm looking for active, competitive owners who really know their shit. If you're new to the game, you're likely to get stomped, and I don't want to have to replace anyone once we get started.

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

2008-01-07T09:09:00.000-08:00

"What's your favorite subject?
Poetry
Really? Maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow."

Today was the first day of the spring semester for me. Of course, knowing that it was the first day and my first class started at 8:00 a.m., what do you think I did last night? That's right, after work I went to Kelly's for what was supposed to be "a beer" and what actually turned into 5 beers, 2 shots of Jameson, and not getting home until 2:30. Bah, it was the first day. It's nice to unwind once in awhile, and at least I didn't get drunk. Hey, they had $1.99 Amber Bocks. How could I say no? :)

"Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out. Then bring one every ten minutes."

I do have homework after the first day. Who does that? I want the deal my kids have: no homework on the weekends. I'm sure I'd get by just fime with that set-up........

"Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing."

By the way, my new favorite thing ever:

I hate Taco Bell. I never eat there, but these are a revelation. Combined with a caramel apple empanada they make for quite a tasty treat. In fact, I'm eating some now!

Football season is over....

2008-01-05T20:30:00.000-08:00

So far as I'm concerned. What a disappointing loss after such a great last month of the season. I don't even want to think about it anymore. At least the Steelers lost. Time to get ready for baseball season!

Bleh...

2008-01-04T18:06:00.000-08:00

What a crappy day. I didn't do anything. I didn't even go to work. I did run; the same 1.35 miles. It took 10:21 this time. I'm pretty sore, which is really lame. I have a list of things I need to do around the house, and I haven't done anything. I won't get much done tomorrow, since the Redskins are playing at Seattle in the first round of the playoffs.

Barack Obama won the Democratic caucus, and John Edwards finished second. Both of those are good. I hope everyone plans on voting, but that'll be another lecture for another post.

Not so fast

2008-01-03T19:55:00.000-08:00

"Learning from experience is a faculty almost never practiced."
-Barbara Tuchman

On that note, I'm setting my first goal for the new year. My challenge is to never get another traffic ticket. Ever. I've definitely had more than my fair share. Now, I don't feel as though I break more traffic laws than the average person; I just get caught more. Virtually all of my tickets have been for speeding on the interstate late at night, or rolling through a stop sign when making a right turn. I'm not a reckless driver at all. I make sure I always follow a safe distance (I hate tailgaters) and I'm not a crazy lane changer. I just tend to drive a little fast when traffic is light. So, from now on, I'm just going to leave a little earlier and drive a little slower. Speeding tickets are expensive.

Speaking of speeding, I drive through a school zone while children are either arriving at or leaving school everyday. They're all 35-45 mph zones that lower to 25 when school is starting or getting out, complete with flashing lights. Everyday I slow down when the lights are flashing, and everyday some asshole speeds by me at a minimum of 40 mph. This pisses me off. Yes, it's unsafe to drive around the schools at high rates of speed, and that makes me mad, but what really angers me is that if I were the one driving through the school zone at 45 mph, that's the day a cop would be there. Why don't any of these other jerks ever get stopped!

On a side note: For those of you who don't live in Virginia, we might just have the stupidest weather in the United States. Yesterday it was 34 degrees with snow flurries. Today, it was even colder with a high of 33. Next week it's going to be in the 70s for daytime highs. That's stupid.

I was running...

2008-01-02T08:15:00.000-08:00

So I went for a little jog this morning. I'm not sure when the last time I ran was, but's it's been awhile. More than a year. Anyway, I ran 1.35 miles, according to MapMyRun, which is really cool (thanks Eric). I did it in 10:30, which I must say I'm quite pleased with, considering how long it's been and how little I've run since high school. That's about a 7:46/mile pace. Not too bad. This is how it went:

(9:54 a.m.) My knee is going to kill me. Why is it hurting already? I need to go to the doctor about this.

(9:56 a.m.) I really need to tie my shoes tighter, but if I stop I might not get back up.

(9:58 a.m.) My knee is feeling better now, but it's probably not smart to run into the wind on the way back, especially when it's 35 degrees.

(10:01 a.m.) My sinuses are going to kill me. I've run one mile and I can't breathe out my nose. Not that it would matter anyway with all of this congestion in my chest.

(10:03 a.m.) Done. That wasn't so bad, except I can't feel toes.

(10:07 a.m.) I'm back at the house now, doing a little stretching, and I realize I can no longer reach my toes from the sitting position. What's most disturbing about this is that it has less to do with my flexibility than with my stomach being in the way. I guess I'll have to incorporate some sit-ups into the plan quickly.....

Resolutions

2008-01-02T07:34:00.000-08:00

I've never made New Year's Resolutions before, but I want 2008 to be different, so why not start with something new? Okay, here I go:

In 2008, I resolve:

To better organize my life and maximize my time. I've had a day planner for years but never made the best use of it, but it's time to change that.

To turn my daydreams, fantasies, and wishes into planned-out, attainable goals. There's no reason I can't have what I want if I put the time and effort into getting it.

To lead by example everyday, in everything I do.

To better understand myself and who I want to be.

To make a plan and stick to it.

To not quit when it gets hard.

To look at this list as often as I need to remind me of where I want to be.

To do something I enjoy everyday.

Everyone says the same things when the New Year rolls around about wanting to change things, whether it be losing weight, quitting smoking, spending more time with family & friends, or learning something new. These are great goals, but they are quickly lost when the going gets a little tough. I want my resolutions to be more like guidelines for me to live my life by, sort of a map for everything I do. I feel like my life is heading in a better direction, and this year seems like a great time to start making more positive changes so that I feel more fulfilled in my own life, and maybe I can turn myself into the kind of man my sons look at and want to be just like.

Happy F-ing New Year!

2008-01-01T19:18:00.000-08:00

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow;
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true. ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

All glory comes from daring to begin ~ Eugene F. Ware

Hope everyone has a great 2008!

My Ten Favorite Christmas Movies

2007-12-20T12:16:00.000-08:00

Note: not necessarily the best Christmas movies, because I suppose that list begins and ends with It's A Wonderful Life and A Miracle on 34th Street, neither of which I've ever seen all the way through.

10. The Santa Clause:
I didn't really want to see this when it came out, and I can't remember why I eventually did, but it has a certain charm to it.

9. The Nightmare Before Christmas:
Does Burton ever do anything wrong...other than Mars Attacks and Planet of the Apes?

8. A Christmas Carol

7. A Charlie Brown Christmas:
I think I've seen this every year for 25 years

6. Bad Santa:
Some variation of the word 'fuck' was uttered 147 times in this movie. What's not to like?

5. Home Alone:
This is *Christmas*. The season of perpetual hope. And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.

4. Gremlins:
"The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus."

3. Die Hard:
Yes, it counts; "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker".

2. Scrooged:
"The Jews taught me this great word. "Schmuck". I was a schmuck, and now I'm not a schmuck"

1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:
The best of the National Lampoon's movies, and one of the funniest movies ever.

"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"

The grades are in......

2007-12-18T11:37:00.000-08:00

Two A's, a B and a W. GPA is 3.818

I'll take it. Not a bad start. Good job me.

I'll never get enough of this

2007-12-18T10:55:00.000-08:00

I'm in the middle of posting some of my personal favorite sports moments on my ESPN profile (there's a link to the right!) and I was reminded of these:

It's still awe-inspiring to watch. That's still the most amazing individual athletic achievement I have ever seen, and I can't think of another instance where anyone has exerted such dominance over a group of athletes who are among the best in the world at what they do. 19.32! Get outta here. That's not even possible.

This could become a problem.

2007-12-17T12:28:00.000-08:00

I finally decided to make a playlist for my MySpace page instead of having to browse through the MySpace music pages (that take forever to load) every time I want a new song. Now, I've decided that I just make many, many playlists! and they can all have themes! So I got the idea for the first one from an e-mail concerning my high school reunion. This reunion should have actually happened last year. The company that the reunion committee booked the party with went out of business and disappeared about 3 weeks or so before the reunion. I wasn't going to go anyway, but this is just how it goes with the GRHS Class of '96. Anyway, the e-mail was about a do-over. A cruise is being planned to the Bahamas next year. I think I might want to go this time. I've never been on a cruise, and it could be fun. Who knows. Anyway..........my first playlist contains songs from the illustrious year of my high school graduation, 1996:

First, I'm aware "You Oughta Know" actually debuted in 1995, but by the time '96 rolled around, my friends and I had already bought the album, and we listened to Jagged Little Pill (along with The Fugees' The Score) virtually everday throughout the last half of our senior year.

There were some other notable musical happenings in 1996. It was the Year of The Spice Girls and the Macarena. Tupac died September 13, 1996 after being shot in Las Vegas. Brad Nowell of Sublime died from a heroin overdose. The Ramones and Crowded House played their last shows. Slash quit G&R, Phil Collins left Genesis, and the Sex Pistols began a reunion tour. MTV2 was launched on August 1, and Linkin Park, Disturbed, Godsmack, Mudvayne, Good Charlotte, Matchbox 20 all came onto the scene in 1996. David Bowie's "Telling Lies" became the first song offered as a free digital download by a major record label.

If 1996 brings back any musical memories for you, please share. If you having any theme ideas, share those too.

P.S. Hit play. I set it so it wouldn't start automatically, because I'll be doing this again.

Andy Pettitte and the Mitchell Report

2007-12-17T09:39:00.000-08:00

This is an article from ESPN's Jayson Stark. I probably could have said it better, but that would have required some work from me, so here you go:

Andy Pettitte screwed up.

Let's get that out of the way fast.

Every player who (pick your favorite action verb) used, or tried, or obtained, or experimented with HGH over the last decade knew it was wrong.

Knew it.

Knew it was a decision that was as shaky ethically as it was medically.

Knew it.

Knew it just from what he had to do to get ahold of that HGH in the first place.

Whether he had to head on down to the anti-aging clinic, or go see a doctor (or dentist) he'd never seen before, or click on some link he found for buycheapHGHrighthere.com, or call up his favorite strength coach, he had to know that didn't feel right.

Because it wasn't.

Wasn't legal. Wasn't honorable. Wasn't cool medically.

And every player knew that. Every one of them.

But …

We want you to consider the tale of two players. We won't name them. See if you can tell the difference.

Player A is a long-time star for a team that has won multiple titles. Great guy. Beloved by fans and teammates alike. Then finds himself connected with an HGH story he can't escape.

So he admits it. Admits he bought it. Admits he took it. Admits he did that over a long period of time, during which his team won championships and he was an All-Star. Admits he "sent the wrong message" to kids and to the public. Admits he's "very, very embarrassed."

But Player A also says he wants to make it clear he never used steroids. And the only reason he used HGH was because he was hurt and wanted to get back on the field to help his team.

OK, now let's move on to Player B -- another terrific player for teams that did nothing but win. Another likeable guy. Fan favorite. Clubhouse favorite. Then looks up one day and hears his name all over TV and radio, linked to HGH use.

So Player B takes some time to think about how he should react, then confesses. Confesses by saying he was injured at the time. Confesses by saying he felt an obligation to get back and help his team. Confesses by saying he'd heard a lot of talk about the healing properties of HGH, so he tried it briefly, then stopped.

It didn't feel right. It wasn't the kind of player or person he was, or is. So he stopped. And ohbytheway, he never used steroids, either, despite what people have been saying about him.

Two stories that couldn't be more identical, right?

But Player B wakes up the next morning to find a headline that says: "PLEASE SPARE US."

Player A, on the other hand, is greeted by headlines like this one: "DON'T SINGLE OUT (PLAYER A)."

Hmmmm. What's up with that?

Two indistinguishable stories. Two very different reactions. Why is that, anyway?

Well, you probably figured out that Player B is Pettitte, a fellow who plays baseball for a living.

Player A, on the other hand, is New England Patriots safety Rodney Harrison, a guy who plays in that Teflon National Football League, in which all those chiseled bodies are clearly on the up and up.

Where's the outrage over Rodney Harrison, huh? We've been waiting for it to show up in some form, any form, for weeks now. We're still waiting. We'll probably wait a lifetime.

Maybe somebody will write an indignant column about this topic to fill space before the Super Bowl or something. But it'll come. Then it'll go. And then Rodney Harrison will go ride off on his parade float and soak in the cheers.

Meanwhile, there are baseball fans who will never forgive Andy Pettitte. Never. Even though there's no indication, in the Mitchell report or anywhere else, that he was a habitual HGH user.

But that doesn't mean we don't understand that reaction. We get exactly why people feel that. Pettitte deserves to pay a price -- some kind of price -- for what he admits he did.

But as you're inflicting that price on Pettitte, think of Rodney Harrison. And if your only reaction to his crime was, "How does this affect my fantasy team?" you have some confessing to do yourself -- about the never-ending double standard applied to baseball and football on this issue.

We don't want to belabor that one, though, because it leads us to a bigger issue:

Is what either of the two athletes did "cheating"?

This is a question that deserves a thorough nationwide debate one of these days. Doesn't it?

If an already-great player decides his goal in life is to break the biggest record in sports, and to do that he's willing to inject or ingest just about any substance on the market, that feels like cheating.

But what about all those players -- in all sports -- who used HGH for other reasons? What do we do about them?

It's getting more and more obvious to those who pay attention that HGH developed a reputation among athletes as some kind of miracle quick-healing potion. Do a little research. That theme comes up over and over.

We hear medical authorities tell us, just about daily, that that's a myth. But it's a myth that became part of the sporting culture. So clearly, it was that panicky desire to heal faster, to "get back on the field," that fueled the HGH use of hundreds of athletes.

"I'm willing to say that in the case of just about every guy who used HGH," one longtime baseball man told us recently, "it can almost always be traced to some kind of injury."

So let's ask you again: Is that "cheating"? Discuss.

Maybe yes. Maybe no. We all have some thinking to do to answer that question.

But whether it was or it wasn't -- in Andy Pettitte's case, in Rodney Harrison's case, in the case of anyone who looked up the phone number of the nearest anti-aging clinic -- it was still wrong.

Morally wrong. Legally wrong. Dead wrong.

And Andy Pettitte knew it. Knew it when he did it. Knew it when he stopped doing it. Knew it when he owned up this weekend.

So he'll deserve his inevitable trip to principal Selig's office. He'll deserve whatever boos he hears on Opening Day, and on every road trip for the rest of his life. He'll deserve whatever price he has to pay for this.

But that doesn't mean we can't put his offense in perspective, judged against the more heinous and selfish offenses of others, judged against the context of his career.

Sorry, we're just tired of the ridiculous oversimplification of a complicated issue. It never stops. People just can't wait to pin easy talk-show labels on every one of these stories. But look a little closer the next time you come up for air. They don't all fit.

So yeah, Andy Pettitte screwed up. That's where we started. That's where we'll finish.

But does he deserve more wrath than Rodney Harrison? Why?

Does he deserve to have his photo plastered all over the back page of a tabloid, with the photos of a bunch of other members of the All-Mitchell Report Team, under the giant headline: "CHEATERS?" We're still sorting that one out.

But we've already sorted this out:

All crimes in the courthouse are not created equal. And neither are all crimes in the Mitchell report.

Nerd Alert! Nerd Alert!

2007-12-17T08:18:00.000-08:00

I feel it's time for a fantasy update, as though I've ever given one. I have four fantasy football leagues:

League #1: This is a league with some guys I play Fantasy Baseball with (I demolished them all in a 20-team baseball league. It wasn't pretty). I won my division at 7-4-2, and cruised in my first round match-up thanks to the usual stellar performance by Brian Westbrook, Kurt Warner carving up the Seahwaks secondary, dominance by the Packers defense, and two other really great performances from Jamal Lewis and Brandon Marshall. My semifinal matchup was against the #1 seed, and I eeked out a win with the usual suspects; Kurt Warner leading the way. I'm actually up by 5 with Sidney Rice going tonight, and my opponent is done. Super Bowl bound! It's going to be really sweet beating these guys in both baseball and football.

League #2: A public league with a bunch of strangers. I didn't make the playoffs in this one. Injuries (Rudi Johnson, Travis Henry, Andre Johnson), ineffectiveness (Lee Evans, who I'll never draft again), and questionable draft choices (Why did I take a chance on Rivers?) left me on the outside looking in at 4-8-1. Of course now that I've been eliminated, I've put up 221 puts over the last two weeks, tops in the league.

League #3: This is another league with guys who are aquaintances, at least over the World Wide Web. I clinched a playoff berth on the last Monday night of the regular season (I finished 7-6) with Kyle Boller as my quarterback and Shaun Alexander and Eli Manning relegated to my bench. I've been carried in this one by Braylon Edwards, Clinton Portis, Chester Taylor and savvy defensive choices (I had the Bucs this week). My first-round match-up against the #1 seed has yet to be decided. He was leading me by 6 after the first week, but going into play tonight I have a 21 point lead. I'm running Chester Taylor and Bernard Berrian against Adrian Peterson (Yes, that AP) and the Vikings D, so it is by no means over. Should I advance, Eli Manning is going to have to play quarterback for me in the championship match-up....

League #4: Easily my best draft and my best performance this year. I finished the regular season 13-0, beating a 12-0 team the last week of the year. I decide to draft a QB a round or two earlier than I normally would, and it paid off, as I have Tom Brady, Tony Romo, and Matt Hasselbeck. At WR I have Brandon Marshall, Dwayne Bowe (who was great early), Bobby Engram (who's been solid of late) and Anquan Boldin. My RB corps consists of Brian Westbrook, Fast Willie Parker, and Edgerrin James. And, just to add to my embarassment of riches, I was ably to move up to the #1 waiver position just in time for a frustrated owner to dump BOTH Jacksonville Jaguar running backs. yes, you read that right, I have the top two quarterbacks, 5 top 12 running backs, and Fred Taylor. Needless to say, I'm steamrolling this league.

Looking ahead, I joined a 16-team fantasy baseball league with some really interesting settings that's doing a bit of an old-school pen & paper draft (albeit on a message board). We're still drafting, as it will probably take 6-8 weeks to complete the draft, but I've assembled quite a roster thus far:

C:
1B: Justin Morneau
2B: Chase Utley
SS: Jimmy Rollins
3B: Garrett Atkins
OF: Nick Markakis, Jason Bay, Raul Ibanez

SP: Matt Cain, Rich Hill, Brett Myers

RP: Brad Lidge, Rafael Soriano

It's a dynasty league with a salary cap and full minor league rosters, so while I'm putting a pretty good team together for this year, the minor league draft is where I'll do my real damage.

I'm glad it's done, because I'm done.

2007-12-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

The semester is over, and while I could have done better, I'm pretty pleased with the way it went. It was a pretty tough semester, because it's been awhile since I took a full load of real classes. My brain was fried by the end. I definitely coasted home on fumes, but I felt an overwhelming sense of relief when I finished up my chemistry exam this morning. We'll see in a few days if my feelings are validated by my actual grades. I'm looking forward to next semester.

Bah-humbug

2007-12-16T20:47:00.001-08:00

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm just not into Christmas this year. The fact that it was 80 degrees outside earlier this week doesn't help. Being broke doesn't help either, but I don't think that's really it. Some things seem to be going in the right direction, while others seem to be spiraling out of control. Christmas has become a time of year when all of the bad things really come into focus, as opposed to a chance to celebrate the good things. I guess that's my own fault....it's just becoming more and more difficult to find reasons to be happy.....

w00t There it is...

2007-12-13T17:57:00.000-08:00

Merriam-Webster has selected it's Word of the Year for 2007. First of all, I didn't know such a thing went on. The word that was chosen for this honor is w00t. w00t. Yes, those are zeroes. The word first became popular in competitive online gaming forums as part of what is known as l33t ("leet," or "elite") speak—an esoteric computer hacker language in which numbers and symbols are put together to look like letters. Although the double "o" in the word is usually represented by double zeroes, the exclamation is also known to be an acronym for "we owned the other team"—again stemming from the gaming community.

So, umm, when did words begin having numbers in them? Online gamers have their own language? People, you really need to get your kids outside.

Two of the other finalists for the award that I really liked were blamestorm and quixotic.

Blamestorm is officially defined as sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Im sorry, that's just damn funny. I've seen this, and it's hilarious (unless it's affecting my ability to work; then it just pisses me off).

Quixotic is a great word that most people first run across when they're trying to pick a mood on MySpace. Quixotic means foolishly impractical especially in the pursuit of ideals; especially : marked by rash lofty romantic ideas or extravagantly chivalrous action. I get this way at times. Sometimes we forget about goals and get lost in unrealistic fantasy. Sometimes we forget that our head and heart have to work together. We're often caught following our heart while abandoning all sense of logic. We get so caught up in an idea that we often fail to see that the idea is all that's really there. I think romanticism is good quality as long as a certain amount of pragmatism accompanies it. It's okay to chase windmills sometimes, but don't ignore your head it drags you back to reality.

Do You Think Roger Clemens WIll Sign My Copy of the Mitchell Report?

2007-12-13T16:00:00.000-08:00

The Mitchell Report was released today. For those of you who live in a vaccuum, an investigation has been ongoing for the last 20 months regarding the use of performance enhancing drugs by Major League Baseball players. The investigation was led by former U.S. Senator (Dem. Maine) George Mitchell.

The first thing that needs to be understood about the report, that some people are already missing, is that exclusion from Mitchell's report does not mean a player is clean. Period. That being said:

This report is an absolute travesty. I can't believe that any good can possibly come from Mitchell's report. Performance-enhancing drugs have been a major problem in Major League Baseball for years, and a problem that owners, GMs, managers and the commissioner have collectively turned a blind eye to until now. Great, we already knew that, but this witch hunt was the wrong approach for solving the problem. The real solution is working harder to eliminate performance-enhancing drugs in baseball. This is something the Commissioner's Office has failed miserably to do, and Mitchell's investigation was a way for Bud Selig to spread the blame. Most of the "facts" included in the report are mere hearsay. This was an investigation into a culture of cheating and lying in baseball, and now we're to believe everyone involved is suddenly telling the truth? Why, because they were "advised" that lying could constitute a criminal offense? Horseshit.

Then we have the issue of potential punishment of the players named. This, too, is ridiculous. In the absence of a positive test, leave them alone. It doesn't make any sense to punish them now. Baseball knew it was going on and looked the other way. We, as fans, suspected is was going on, but did anyone say anything when Sosa, McGwire, and Bonds were hitting 60 and 70 homeruns? No, because it was fun. We loved the way balls were flying out of the stadium. We loved the chase on Maris' record. Then we decided we didn't like Barry Bonds chasing the all-time homerun record because he isn't a likeable person, so we vilified him, and this is what we got for it. Punish them? I think we've all been punished enough. Drop it. Let it go. Let the past be the past, chalk it up to the way the times were, and just get it cleaned up.

The recommendations Mitchell makes at the end of the report are solid strategies that should have been implemented 15 years ago in an effort to control the use of illegal performance-enhancers in baseball. Instead, we've had this fiasco where we're digging up the past, and for no particularly helpful reason. Have anyone's questions been answered? Do we know who to believe anymore now than we did before the report? All this is going to lead to is a rift between the Players Association and ownership, and further lead to all players being guilty until proven innocent in regard to performance-enhancing drugs. This whole episode has been disgraceful and a huge black eye on a sport I've loved as a player, a coach, a student, a historian, and a fan almost my entire life.

The last three days the rain was unstoppable

2007-12-03T11:09:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, like when I wonder where I'm going to get the money to pay for this house I live in, I wonder why I'm still kidding myself. It's clearly not meant to be, right? Every time I see my schedule and I'm working 2 days, I decide it's time to give up; to take the safe route.

I look at myself sometimes and wonder, at 29, what have I really done? Am I ever going to do anything? Then there are times I feel that I'm still young; I have plenty of time to do this and then organize the chaos that is my life.

Everytime I make school a priority, everything else falls apart, and I go right back to the job I hate the most. I should just do it again and be happy.

Not this time. I'm not backing down. I'm not quitting. I've sacrificed too much: time, money, relationships. It's not just about me, either. Others have sacrificed just as much, and it's not going to end like this. I'm not who I can be yet. I'm not where I want to be yet. I'm not going back.

Fuck you. I can do it.

Jack Handey

2007-12-03T10:35:00.000-08:00

Why don't we ever act on our impulses? Are our instincts so bad that we just don't trust them, or do we not trust them because we just won't listen?

Is it wrong to act on a hunch or even the slightest feeling? Isn't it better to know you were wrong this time then to never know anything? What if you have something in front of you that's never been there before, and you don't know it because you didn't find out?

Why do we do what others think we should do instead of what we feel is right?

It's still okay to make mistakes, right?

What if one of you realized you were mistaken, but the other was right all along? Who ends up suffering?

Is a solution always the answer?

What's wrong with taking a chance once in awhile?

Don't you sometimes just want to go for it, or sometimes wish you had?

Randoooooom! I was in the car just now, on my home from the bank, thinking about nothing in particular, when "Babylon" by David Gray came on the radio. I like the song, so I began singing it. When I got to the chorus, a bunch of really random (or are they?) thoughts just ran into my head, so I came home and wrote them all down exactly the way I thought them. I never do that. I usually ignore these random thoughts and feelings. Maybe that's what's wrong with me. This was fun. Everyone one of those has a specific meaning to me, but I'll leave you all to speculate....

Friday night I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now

Babylon, Babylon

Sunday all the lights of London
Shining , Sky is fading red to blue
I'm kicking through the Autumn leaves
And wondering where it is you might be going to
Turning back for home
You know I'm feeling so alone
I can't believe
Climbing on the stair
I turn around to see you smiling there
In front of me

If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now

When You Look In the Mirror, It Says A-M-B-U-L-A-N-C-E

2007-11-30T06:55:00.000-08:00

Holy shit people, are you all fucking stupid?!? What do you think the flashing lights and loud sirens mean? Get the fuck out of the way! Someone might be dying, and your ass is sitting there, staring at the red light, listening to the driver blare his horn, which is at least 5x louder than the sirens, for you to move out the fucking way! "But the light's red! What do I do?" Move your ass lady! I hope you're waiting for an ambulance one day when some ass is sitting at a red light and won't move. Most people at least make a half-hearted effort to slide over so the ambulance has to weave through traffic, but not you. You stick to your guns, because running a red light is illegal. You didn't notice that everyone else did what they were supposed to do when they heard the siren: they stopped and/or moved. Clear intersection. Then, when you finally get it through your head that he's honking at YOU, you ease out into the intersection. Once there however, you have no clue what to do once the ambulance has passed. Now, everyone who stopped for the ambulance has to remain stopped while you figure out that your dumbass should have just gone through the intersection once the ambulance went by. Super. I hope I don't see anyone I know in the obits tomorrow, because I memorized your license plate number.

R.I.P 21

2007-11-27T09:48:00.001-08:00

Sean Taylor, free safety for the Washington Redskins, passed away early this morning from a gunshot wound at the age of 24.

There are plenty of people who are pointing at his past indescretions and saying he brought this on himself. Some have even said he got what he deserved. My gut reaction following word of the shooting says something different.

Sure, Sean Taylor wasn't the epitome of a role model when he entered the league. He was young, immture, and suddenly rich & famous. Taylor had a troublesome first two years in the NFL after he was drafted No. 5 overall by the Redskins in 2004. Taylor has been fined at least seven times during his professional career for late hits and other infractions. He was also fined $25,000 for skipping a mandatory rookie symposium shortly after he was drafted. In 2005, Taylor was accused of brandishing a gun at a man during a fight over some all-terrain vehicles that had allegedly been stolen. Last year, he reached a deal in which he pleaded no contest to two misdemeanors and was sentenced to 18 months' probation.

Is it that inconceivable to believe, though, that a young black man, who made some questionable decisions as the trappings of fame and money took hold, also made some positive changes in his life? I don't believe Sean Taylor was into anything shady here. I believe this shooting was a result of Sean Taylor trying to rid himself of all of the people of questionable moral character that he'd surrounded himself with in the past. Sean Taylor was trying to be a responsible father; he was trying to do right by his family, his team, and himself. Sean Taylor was becoming a man, and this is what he gets for it. It's just a shame how doing what is right can turn so horribly wrong.

Clinton Portis actually said it best (which odd, because Portis doesn't say anything best): "It's hard to expect a man to grow up overnight, but ever since he had his child, it was like a new Sean, and everybody around here knew it. He was always smiling, always happy, always talking about his child."

Sean Taylor, in a rare interview during training camp: "I just take this job very seriously," Taylor said in a rare group interview during training camp. "It's almost like, you play a kid's game for a king's ransom. And if you don't take it serious enough, eventually one day you're going to say, 'Oh, I could have done this, I could have done that. So I just say, 'I'm healthy right now, I'm going into my fourth year, and why not do the best that I can?' And that's whatever it is, whether it's eating right or training myself right, whether it's studying harder, whatever I can do to better myself."

From Jeffri Chadiha: "It may take some time to sort out exactly what happened the day Taylor was shot. Even when we do find out, it may not make much sense. After all, Taylor had seen the value in growing up long before somebody broke into his home and shot him. He saw it in his daughter, in his growth as a player.

Hopefully, people will remember that about his character as they mourn him today

Dream a Little Dream With Me

2007-10-30T20:39:00.001-07:00

So, I had a really strange dream today. I dozed off for exactly 15 minutes--from 5:09 to 5:24. I had been studying for Chemistry and it was nearly time to get up and make dinner for the kids. Anyway, the first strange thing about this, as those of you who know me best know, I NEVER remember my dreams. I almost never even remember having dreams. Ever. Weird, I know. The second thing that is so strange is how real the dream seemed while it was going on. While I said I never remember my dreams, that wasn't true when I was I a kid, but they never felt this real. Anyway, back to my dream. First the cast of characters (the fact that I can remember so many details is very strange to me as well):

Jeanette: a close friend of mine since high school.
Krissy: a friend and coworker at the Cheesecake Factory.
Ashley: a close friend from Lynchburg; we worked together at the Olive Garden
Mary: my cousin (and godmother) who died in August, 2001 after battling colon cancer
There were some others in the dream, but their faces faded away as soon as I woke up. It may have Teri, Jen Lacks, and John Foster, but I cannot be sure anymore. My kids were in the dream too, but I never saw them, only heard them.

So, I'm sitting in a room similar to the room I have my computer in; it's even four steps lower than the rest of the house, but in my dream it's much smaller. I can hear the kids palying upstairs. When I look through the doorway, it looks like a kid's room. There are bunkbeds, and I see a lot of red.

I hear a car pull up so I look out the window. I don't see my driveway or front yard. Instead, it looks like a motel. There are parking spaces, and I can see an overhang, like a second floor balcony. At this point I notice that I'm looking out the window through a Halloween mask. It may have been Anthony's Optimus Prime mask. I took it off. Anyway, a white truck (maybe a pickup) is parked in the spot closest to me, facing the building, and there is a car three spots over. The two spots in the middle are empty, and this is where Krissy is parking her black Jetta, only she doesn't drive into the space facing the building like you're supposed to. Instead, she's parking parallel to the building and perpendicular to the white truck. There's not enough room to accomplish this by standard parallel parking. Instead, Krissy has the car hopping sideways, inching toward the building, until she is as close to the curb as she can get.

It fast forwards (or I forgot what happened after that) to the living room. I'm sitting at the back of the room facing the front door. The kitchen is to my left. Everyone is sitting around. Both Krissy and Jeanette say something, but I forgot what they said when I woke up. Everyone is carrying gifts and it seems to be some sort of celebration. I see a bag, and something is in it. All i see is the word "engagement". Then, whatever was supposed to happen doesn't. I'm told to wait a minute, by either Krissy or Jeanette. As far as I can remember, no one else said anything at all.

Like I said before, this dream feels very real as it's going on, and this is where it got weird for me. Someone is walking across the living room toward the front door. It's Mary. Her hair is short, the way it looked after growing back following chemotherapy. I'm feeling really freaked out, but that passes. She doesn't say anything, she just smiles as she passes by, and then she goes out the door. At this point, I clearly remember having the conscious thought "Oh, this is a dream. I guess I better get up and give the kids dinner." I don't get up though. I cannot remember anything else happening, but after laying there for a few seconds, or minutes, I don't know, the phone rings, and I think to myself "Alright dammit! I'm getting up" (the caller id said "unknown caller").

I realized I had had a dream, and that I remember it. I tried to sort through as many of the details as I could before I forgot. Then I had to yell at the kids for being too rowdy. I can't take a 15 minute nap without them going nuts?

Anyone know anything about dreams and what this might mean, if anything?

Light the Night

2007-10-21T20:05:00.001-07:00

Well, the Light the Night Walk to support the Luekemia and Lymphoma Society was last night, and it was a pretty good time. My balloon wouldn't float, so I had to get a new one, but at least my light worked (unlike Dad's). The channel 10 helicopter flew over us with a camera, but the only one of us who made it on t.v. was Jonathan. Anyway, I'd just like to thank all of the person who made an online donation on my page: Light the Night. Your contribution was greatly appreciated. I did manage to make my meager goal with the help of a few co-workers and family members, so thank you all very much. Oh, and we won a gift certificate to a restaurant downtown in the raffle. Sweet. Well, it's time to start collecting donations for next year and look for the next event.

Light the Night....only 4 days left!

2007-10-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody, I'm raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light The Night Walk. My hope is that as we get down to the wire, everyone who reads can donate $1 or $2.

Light The Night is an annual Society event to raise funds for cures. It’s the nation’s night to pay tribute and bring hope to thousands of patients and their families.

Funds raised through Light The Night Walk support the work of hundreds of the world’s best and brightest researchers in their search for better therapies and cures for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma.

How your contributions help:
Funds raised through the Walk events will:

*Enable leading researchers to investigate causes, treatments and cures
*Support government advocacy efforts to ensure attention to cancer-related issues
*Create support assistance programs for patients and their families
*Help educate healthcare professionals on the latest medical advances
*Provide information to the general public on leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma

Read more on my personal donation page:
Light the Night

The Light the Night Walk is October 20, 2007. You can donate right on my page, and in any amount you want. Even if it's a dollar, you're a superstar in my book! It's completely secure. I set a modest goal since this is my first time, but hopefully you all can help me blow right by it! Thanks!

P.S. If you like, you can make an anonymous donation. It will even hide the donation amount for you. There's also a section for the top contributors, so you will be forever immortalized!

Rules To Live By?

2007-10-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

1.Women always makes the rules.

2.The rules can change without notice.

3.Men cannot know the rules.

4.If a woman suspects that a man knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.

5.A woman never bears the blame for being wrong.

6.If a woman is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that a man did or said which was wrong.

7.If rule 6 applies, the man must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.

8.A woman can change her mind.

9.A man must never change his mind without the consent of the female.

10.A woman has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11.A man must always remain calm unless the woman wants him to be angry or upset.

12.A woman must never let a amn know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13.If a woman has PMS, there are no rules.

14.A man cannot diagnose PMS.

Okay, I was a little off

2007-10-02T23:09:00.000-07:00

Prediction:
New York 96-66
Boston 95-67

Reality:
Boston 96-66
New York 94-68

Not bad. Go Yankees.

Today's Most Important Thing

2007-09-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

Mike Mussina: 7 IP, 3 H, 0 ER Just in time, baby.

Mussina's thrown 12.2 consecutive scoreless innings and won his 10th game for an AL record 16th straight season. Oh by the way, the Yankees are now 2.5 games behind the Boston Red Sox (2 in the loss column). Remember what I said: New York 96-66, Boston 95-67. That's 9-2 for New York and 5-5 for Boston the rest of the way. I think others are starting to believe.

Look at this, too

Cheaters never win, unless they play in Super Bowls

2007-09-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

In light of the New England Patriots' videotaping scandal, I have to say the team and their coach, Bill Belicheat, got off easy. He should have been suspended. Now, I know that videotaping the Jets signals probably wasn't going to affect that particular game, but they do play the Jets again. You wonder how often the Pats pull this trick. I've heard a lot of "everybody does it, it's not just the Patriots", which is a total hogwash. There is no way in hell that Bill Walsh, Joe Gibbs, Bill Parcells, Tony Dungy, Mike Holmgen, Andy Reid or any of a long list of coaches has ever cheated to win an NFL game. Not only is he a thief and a cheater, but Bill Belichick is a liar, too. His "my interpretation of the rule was wrong" BS is really lame. Roger Goodell made it quite clear to the Patriots, who were the NFL's #1 suspects, as well as the rest of the NFL that videotaping was against league rules. Some people, like ESPN's Sean Salisbury, don't think this should be this big of a deal. After all, as Salisbury says "Isn't everyone trying to gain a competitive advantage?" This is different. This is a serious intregity issue. Normal people lose their jobs when their integrity is proven to be dubious at best. Lawyers are disbarred, doctors are stripped of their medical licenses. Bill Belichick? His $500,000 fine means he'll only gross about $3.7 M this season. I think Kraft should fire him. I certainly wouldn't want someone with such questionable integrity and moral standards running the day-to-day operations of my multi-million dollar business

S.O.L.......how appropiate

2007-09-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been awhile. Being a full-time student again is a little rough. Anyway, I'm in Chemistry lab on Monday, and at the end of the lab, the professor.......now, the first time I was in college, 10 years ago, all my labs were taught by grad students. Now that I'm taking Chem 111 at the community college, my lab is taught by a molecular biologist who has a degree in chemistry and two doctorates. She did work on cloning amylase for Christ's sake, and now she's my lab instructor.........where was I? Oh, so she assigns the questions she wants us to answer: #1, 2, 3, 8, and 9. Simple, right? Apparently not, because a girl in the back of the room raises her hand and asks "Sooooo, does that mean we don't have to #4, 5, 6, 7, and 10?" I think I would have been justified in smacking her in the face. The real problem is, she wasn't cute either, so doesn't at least have that going for her. This is what I think standardized testing, especially the SOL, is doing to kids now.

Last night was the first PTA meeting of the new school year, and all of my kids teachers said the same thing: they were teaching the kids test-taking skills so that more kids would pass the test and the school could remain accredited. My oldest son's Language Arts teacher even went so far as to say they had been successful in getting children with very low comprehension to pass the test, even the ones who couldn't read very well, by teaching them how to eliminate answers that made no sense. How is this helping these kids? They're develping a skill that they will rarely, if ever, use once they are done with school, and in the meantime they aren't learning how to think analytically at all. I used the girl in my lab as an example, but my kids do the same thing. They frequently ask me questions to which the answer is obvious and requires very little thinking. That's okay when you're 2, but my boys are in the 3rd and 4th grades. What's happens when the question requires some problem-solving skills? That's what they're lacking the most. They are being taught how to get the answer without understanding the application.

I hope I'm wrong. I hope I'm just overthinking things a bit. Who knows, maybe my kids are just dumb, but given their genetics, I doubt it. I do know the kids spend way too much time preparing for the SOL and not enough time doing any thinking.

"I want to wake up in the city that never sleeps"

2007-08-11T23:07:00.000-07:00

On June 14, 2007, I posted this on a message board:

The Sox are in the midst of getting destroyed at home by the Colorado Rockies for a second night in a row. Unless they can pull off a great comeback, their lead over the Yankees in the A.L. East will shrink to 7.5 games with 97 to go. Now Red Sox fans and people who hate the Yankees will come on here with all sorts of bravado, stating how they aren't worried, and the Yankees are only a game closer than they were a month ago. Face it; this isn't the same Yankee team as a month ago. Despite all of your posturing, Red Sox fans, I know the doubt is starting to creep in. It's in the player's eyes, too. You're looking in your rear view mirror and seeing the Ghost of Division Race Past. Your golden boy Beckett is getting blown up again. The Yanks rake Matsuzaka and Schilling everytime out. It's natural to be worried, even if you won't admit it. The Sox finish behind the division-winning Yankees every year. This year will be no different. Read it here first: Yankees 96-66, red Sox 95-67

I posted this on August 11, 2007, in response to a comment following another Yankee win and very solid showings from phenoms Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain:

It was just one day, but it was a nice win. At least for one day, all those people who said the Yankees are only winning because they aren't playing anybody can shut up. We all know that's just a front to mask their fear anyway. Not just in Boston, either. They're wondering in Los Angeles, Cleveland, Detroit, and Seattle what's going to happen if someone doesn't slow down the Yankees. Two months ago, it was almost guaranteed that Boston, Detroit, Cleveland, and Los Angeles would make the playoffs. At least one of those teams isn't going. A few weeks ago, Boston fans felt confident that the Sox would easily win the division, but begrudgingly admitted that Yankees would win the wildcard. Now? The Yankees keep winning. They're only 5 games back. Boston is 16-12 (.571) since the break, while the Yankees are 21-8 (.724). They have 8 games coming up against Detroit that will take away all hope the Tigers had of making the playoffs. The 3-game series at Fenway Sept. 14-16 will be the final nail in the Red Sox' coffin, relegating them to no better than second place for a tenth year in a row.

On July 25 the Red Sox were 61-40, and the Yankees were 54-46. I said that day, for at least the third time, the Yankees would finish 96-66 and the Sox 95-67. That would have meant a 34-27 (.557) finish for the Sox and a 45-20 (.692) finish for the Yankees. I was scoffed at. Since then: Boston 8-6 (.571), New York 9-4 (.692).

I just wanted people to know how smart I am.

I'm moving to Arizona

2007-08-10T12:44:00.000-07:00

A hot day once in awhile is okay; I can deal with it. This week, however, has been a bit ridiculous. In fact, I firmly believe I died a little on Thursday. Those of you who live here in Hampton Roads know that it's not just the heat that gets you, but the oppressive humidity. I left work at 11:30 Wednesday night, and when I walked outside after spending 7 hours in an air-conditioned building, it was hard to breathe. You know it's hot when you can see it. So far the lovely week has gone like this:

Monday: Relatively cool at 102. I think the humidity was 1042%
Tuesday: A little warmer: 103
Wednesday: Still climbing to 105; humidity 67487569%
Thursday: 107, and I'm not even sure you could still call it humidity, since really it was like walking throught pure water. The sky started to cry at one point.
Friday: Relief! In a way, at least. It's a brisk 101 today, but as I type this, severe thunderstorms carrying 70+ mph winds are pummeling the area. It's dark as night at 3:30 in the afternoon. I don't what's going to be worse, having to repair the roof after tonight, or having to mow the damn lawn again already.

Speaking of weather, it's been a pretty crazy first half of 2007. Not much has been going on here in Va Beach, or further south, although forecasters are predicting an above-normal Atlantic hurricane season. The rest of the world, however, has gone nuts. As if tornados in Brooklyn and flooded subways weren't enough, the World Meteorological Organization said global land surface temperatures in January and April were likely the warmest since records began in 1880, at about 3 degrees Fahrenheit higher than average for those months. Three degrees doesn't sound significant, but it took 5 consecutive days over 100 degrees (after 2 months in the nineties) to raise the temperature of 10000 gallons of water in my backyard three degrees.

Southern Asia is experiencing the worst flooding on record, and the Arabian sea had it's first-ever documented cyclone. Meanwhile, England had the wettest May-July since they began keeping track in 1766, while Germany experienced the driest summer on record. In June, South Africa received it's first significant snowfall in more than 25 years, while it snowed in Buenos Aires in July for the first time since 1918. January and April were southern Europe's hottest months in recorded history. Too many different countries are experiencing their worst, most, hottest, wettest weather events in recorded history at the same time.

I saw The Day After Tomorrow. I know what's going on here. I'm going to buy some batteries. ;)

I'd rather be doing calculus

2007-07-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

Waiting tables again is great. You get to see many different kinds of people, and it really makes you wonder. For instance, is it really that important to sit outside on the patio? You're about to drop 80 bucks ($96 with tip!!) for you and your girl to have a nice dinner and some cheesecake, so it makes perfect sense to share it with flies. In addition, our patio is right on the street at the Town Center in Virginia Beach. Central Park Avenue happens to be the only street people use at the Town Center. I'm sure Chicken Madeira tastes great mixed with exhaust fumes.

Oh, and then you have the glorious combination of sun and wind. Around 10 or so in the morning, the sun starts to creep up above the roughly 26-story Armada Hoffler building and shines right down on the patio, which has a glass "roof". I feel like an ant under a magnifying glass. During a tornado. The wind is insane. Most of the buildings are at least 5 stories, creating this nice windtunnel, so a light breeze in Virginia Beach translates to gale force wind on Central Park Avenue. Particularly windy days blow rolled silverware and salt-and-pepper shakers off the tables and onto the street.

People just love to sit outside, and I just love working outside. It seems that people who know they're bad tippers like to sit outside. It's cool though, that's why we have a patio, I guess. Just don't ask for any grated cheese on your pasta, because it's all going into your lap when the wind picks up.

You think cell phones are dangerous.

2007-07-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

Now, I'm not going to say I'm the world's most attentive driver. I often drive when I'm much too tired to do so, but generally speaking, I know what's going on around me. I don't follow too closely (anymore) and I make sure I always have a way out when possible by not driving directly next to someone. I check my mirrors and I look at the cars around me. You see people some intersting things. People talking on the phone, putting on make-up, the usual. Some people even eat or send text-messages while driving. Today I saw a woman reading while driving. She was not glancing at some notes or a newspaper at lights. She had paperback novel open on the steering wheel, and she did not put it down while she was driving. This bitch was reading and glancing at the road while she was driving. It wouldn't have surprised me to find out there was a child in the back. I don't understand people.

Well, I've clearly received overwhelmingly support for my new reading list. The suggestions I did get were good ones, though. The first came from Kristin (thank you), and it was a book I was thinking about anyway, so the first book on my list will be The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. I expect it to be a good, educational read. I'll let you know.

Yes, I can read

2007-07-21T18:05:00.000-07:00

I'm compiling a reading list. I read a ton, but I read a lot of the same sort of stuff. I'm trying to branch out and try different things; broaden my horizons if you will. I could use some suggestions. Leave me a comment with some suggestions: your personal favorites, must-reads, etc. I'll read anything; fiction of any kind, non-fiction, literature new and old; it doesn't matter. I'm doing a little research to start my list, but anything you suggest is greatly appreciated. I read about a book a week, even when I'm in school, so the list can't get too big. Thanks!

Oh, and the cough went away. I didn't kill myself.

If this cough doesn't go away

2007-07-11T00:18:00.001-07:00

I'm going to fucking kill myself.

Those who forget the past...........

2007-06-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

So, I left my last job on May 7. It was easy, and the money was pretty good, but the hours sucked and hated doing it. I was going to leave anyway, but personal circumstances caused me to quit a week or two before I wanted. No big deal; I had been looking anyway.

I took the next week off to take care of some stuff, and then my son's birthday was that weekend. After that, on the 14th, I hit the job search again full speed. I submitted my resume for a job I really wanted. The hours were good; I'd see my boys more and be able to go back to school. That is the ultimate goal anyway: to finish my degree. I'm 29 now, and I need to get it done. The moey was good, and the benefits were great. I got called for an interview, got a second interview, and then nothing. about two weeks later I got a standard auto-email for those who aren't hired. Great, a week wasted.

So, since I didn't get that job for whatever reason, I back to waiting tables. At 29, that's not where I had envisioned myself. I've been in training two weeks at The Cheesecake Factory, and still haven't made a dime. I won't get to until Monday, either.

I'm not sure how long I've been stuck in this same circle, but it's longer than I can remember. Things go okay for awhile, then something happens and I take a step or two back. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's school, sometimes it's work. Everytime the circle comes around again, the good seems to get a little better. I make more money, I get good grades, whatever. I'm living a great house now, and out of an apartment or townhouse for the first time in my adult life. The bad, however, always gets worse. I hated my job; absolutely hated it. I was miserable, and I knew being a restaurant manager was not what I wanted to retire doing. I made this decision before, and it didn't turn out well, but once again the time looked right to get out and go back to school.

Money was already tight, and I expected to have a job much sooner than this. Now, I haven't been paid since May 16. I'm not sure what I need to change to break this pattern. I think about it everyday, and I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I wake up pissed off, mostly because I woke up (that goes away when the kids are around, but always manages to creep back in). I will be starting school in August, but who knows how that will go? The odds are pretty good that I'm either going to fail my classes or go broke. Then I'm just going to have to leave school and go right back into restaurant management. Maybe I should just accept my fate; condemned to the only thing I've ever done.

Anyway, I'm really screwed at the moment. I'll probably be homeless very soon..............again.

Adventures in Suburbia

2007-04-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

So, it's been two weeks since my birthday, and even though I say I don't feel any older, I find myself spending money on fertilizer and weed-killer. I just had two days off in a row (very, very rare for me), and I spent it doing yard-work and getting the pool swim-ready. I remember the days when I would purposely screw up the yard so Dad would do it, and now I don't want my kids to help because they'll fuck it up and I'll just have to do it over.

The pool is a mess. I've never had a pool before. I guess it's normal to uncover 10,000 gallons of swamp water at the beginning of spring. After two days I can finally see how filthy the bottom of the pool is, at least on the shallow end, and it's actually starting to smell like a pool.

The first thing I did when trying to start the filtration system was fail to realize that the jets for pumping the water back into the pool were plugged. In my defense, I couldn't see them through the Great Dismal Swamp. Then, the booster pump was missing a plug, so it flooded my backyard and lowered the water-level too much. I had to run the garden hose in the pool for nearly four hours to raise the water an inch.

The trees in my backyard are a huge pain-in-the-ass. As soon as I scoop everything out of the pool, the wind blows more crap off the trees. I'm going to cut everyone of them down. With scissors if I have to. I hate them.

A duck started coming around and decided the pool would be a good place for a swim. Not much later, she was joined by a male companion, and then another (slut!). I'm pretty sure I witnessed duck-rape today. One of the males tried to get it on today, but she was have none of it. After she freed herself from him, she chased him away, then bitched about it very loudly in the backyard for about an hour. She pisses the cats off. Later on in the evening, both males were back, joined by a second female. The ducks have decided that I'm no threat, so when I go out back, they just swim to the other side of the pool and yell at me. I'm going to hit them with rocks until they stop coming back.

There are people everywhere now that the weather has warmed up (it was 85 today!). They walk together, they walk their dogs, they ride bikes, they push their babies in strollers, and they wave and say hi if you happen to be out in the yard when they pass. Is this what people do? It's okay, I suppose, but if any of those little fuckers on skateboards fails to move out of the street when I'm driving again, I'm just going to run him over.

I've realized that while I hate my job and the business in general, I like being outside and doing yardwork. I'm going to quit soon.

By the way, duck poop floats.

Who says getting older can't be fun?

2007-04-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

This might turn out to be boring for everyone else, but feel like reliving the evening's events for my own amusement.

Saturday was my mother's 50th birthday party. Let me preface this by saying that in my family, get togethers generally suck. The food sucks, and everyone just sits around and looks at each other. If there is a fair amount of alcohol going around, it's makes most of the family unbearable, especially my mother. It can be pretty excruciating. Needless to say, I was not looking forward to going. But go I did, and let me tell you, I have never had more fun around my family in my life. Ever.

To be fair, there wasn't a whole lot of family there. I'll try to remember the guest list as accurately as possible, though it won't matter to most of you anyway. My parents, my sister Jessica, her boyfriend David and his brother Steve, my Aunt Elaine and Uncle John, Aunt Rita, my dad's best friend (since 4th grade!) Albert, his ex-wife and about half of their 738 kids, including Lola, who I haven't seen in 20 years (and who looks pretty damn good), some of Albert's grandkids, a couple people dad works with, and lastly, my mother's best friend Pam and her son Patrick, who I also hadn't seen in 20 years or so. They drove from Tennessee to be there. That might be it. Oh! and Michelle. Now onto some of the highlights of the evening.

First, I arrived an hour late, hoping everyone would already be drunk and I could make a hasty exit. When I get there, my sister and Patrick are lining up Irish Carbombs. Well, this night may be a total loss after all, because those of you who really know me know my passion for an Irish Carbomb or 4. I decide I should at least have a beer first, so I go out onto the deck and there's a swimming pool full of Sam Adams. What, you mean it's not just Bud Light and Corona? Score!

So after a couple of beers and an Irish Carbomb or two, I'm feeling okay, mingling a bit, generally being the life of the party. I go into the kitchen to see my parents doing "Tic-Tacs". Apparently this concoction of Absolut Mandarin and Red Bull is supposed to taste like an orange Tic-Tac. I didn't partake, but my parents are throwing them back. Instead of getting annoying, however, my parents have really loosened up and are having fun. It's still really early in the evening, mind you.

I head into the dining room to gorge myself, because usually eating is all there is to do. I notice the music has cut off, and instead of listening to Santana 8 times in a row, I remembered I had my cds in the car, and I saved the evening with Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, and The Rolling Stones. The old folks are going nuts, especially since Jimi was live.

About the time I get back from the car with the cds, my father, Pam and Patrick are on the front porch. Well, apparently, Dad and Patrick had been in the backyard smoking weed. That's right. Now, I know my father did some shit when he was younger, and I know he smoked well into my teenage years, but he would NEVER have done it with us around or allowed us to know about it. On top of that, he did it with Patrick! Hell, I remember when that boy was in diapers. Anyway, I'm sure he expected me to be appalled to know he had been out back hitting the bowl, but instead I leaned toward Patrick and said "Why wasn't I invited to the party within the party?" The look on dad's face was absolutely priceless.

About this time, Steve is in the middle of going shot-for-shot, beer-for-beer with my Uncle John. Now, Steve is in his early 20s and is a United States Marine. Uncle John is closing in on 70 and hasn't been in great shape for, oh, 40 years. This turned out to be a huge mistake for Steve. The kid passed out on the couch before midnight and never moved another inch.

I will, at some point, be providing video of my mother and Albert dancing to "Under My Thumb" by The Stones. It's pretty damn funny.

But first, we are not done with the weed. Next thing I know, I'm in the backyard with Patrick, Pam, and my mother (my mother!). It was my mother who made me go. This however, is only the first episode. Later, Mom and Pam decide it's a great time to introduce Jennifer to the joys of getting high. Having never done it, she had no idea what to do with the bowl. Never fear, Aunt Rita is here. She's giving step-by-step instructions, and it's fucking hilarious. She's 60, for Christ's sake. Everyone is in the backyard being loud as hell, yelling things like "Hurry up and light it" and "Puff,puff, pass bitch! What are you doing" (that may have been me). And yet, no cops were called.

Next came the story-telling. This is a ritual at family gatherings, and probably the worst part. We've been hearing the same old stories for years and they just aren't funny anymore. Ah, but they are not the same old stories when you throw Pam into the equation. And me, being the life of the party that I am, kept the crowd going for quite some time. It's not often I laugh that hard or that much.

After a couple of Johnny Walkers (Gold!) with my father (wait, he doesn't know I poured myself another!) the party started to settle down. It was quite an unusual, and enjoyable, evening. Oh, except Elaine was really pissed at John for getting so drunk, but man was he funny. She didn't get pissy with everyone else, though. Rita managed to get through two conversations about Mary Beth without completely breaking down and having to leave. I enjoyed my sister's company, her boyfriend, by all accounts, is a genuinely good guy (a rarity indeed), my parents had a great time, and they're not going to be able to look me in the eye for a long time! Oh, and Pam is absolute riot.

Oh, and they tried to make me promise not to tell Eric, but I informed them that everything was going into the blog.

Maybe I'll remember more.......maybe not

Can't I just get some Cheesecake Bites?

2007-03-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

One of the girls at work comes in early this afternoon, and decides she's going to make a run to Tropical Smoothie. She goes around the restaurant and asks everyone if they might won't anything. I graciously decline. I'm not much of a smoothie person. Don't get me wrong; occasionally I like to add a little pizzazz to my life and get a smoothie when one of the girls goes, but usually I remember that I'm straight (sorry Jeff). Anyway, back to the point I was trying to make. Why is it that whenever I decline to partake in the fun and excitement of Tropical Smoothies, I'm looked upon as though I have three heads? Not everyone likes smoothies, folks. Not everyone likes Starbucks, either. I appreciate being asked, of course, and if you're going to Panera or Chick-Fil-A or Sonic (they really need to bring those cheesecake bites back), then I'm game. I shouldn't, however, have to get a smoothie because everyone else is getting one. I will not be a slave to conformity. I will not drink smoothies just to fit in. If I want one, I'll get one. If I don't, please don't look at me like I just killed your dog or slapped your grandmother. Oh, and don't call Jody. ;)

Channeling my inner Chuck Norris

2007-03-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

I was going to write about a completely different subject, but maybe I'll come back to that tonight. Something interesting happened to me on the way home. I had picked the kids up from the busstop and I was leaving the neighborhood when I came upon another school bus stopped in front of me, coming the opposite way. There was a car stopped in front of me, and the mailman was half-way into the street, turning right off of an adjoining street. While I'm sitting there, a white car (a Grand-Am from the late '90's, I think) pulls up behind the mailman at the stop sign. The schoolbus pulls off and the car in front and the mailman go ahead me. As I'm passing the white car, the driver decides to disregard the stop sign and try to jump ahead of me. This, of course, pisses me off because the car nearly ended up in my passenger seat. Naturally, I yell "Don't you see the stop sign stupid?!" I try very hard to refrain from cursing with the kids in the car. Anyway, at the red light leading out of the neighborhood, the white car pulls up beside me. Great, here we go. All of my windows are down, and so are all of his. The driver is a young black kid, maybe early 20's with a gold tooth and his hat turned backward. What he looks like is only significant because of what he thought it might represent to me. I could tell where this was going to go by the dialogue. He saw a white boy in the car and thought he might scare me by being tough. Anyway, here's how the conversation went verbatim(it was only 10 minutes ago):

Driver: "What did you say to me?"

Me: "I said 'Didn't you see that stop sign, stupid?'" (maybe I shouldn't have called him stupid, but I was a little steamed that he almost hit me, then stopped to question me, as though I disrespected him by yelling at him. Besides, he asked what I said, and that's what I said.)

Driver: "Yo, who do you think you're talking to?"

Me: "I'm talking to the guy who almost hit my car."

Driver: "Yo, you got a problem with me?"

Me: "I got a problem with your driving."

Now he gets out of his car. He's clearly not a threat to me, so I don't get out at this point. I think he was hoping I'd either roll up my windows and lock my doors so he could yell at me from a safe vantage point, or drive away. Sorry guy, I've had lots of black friends. Black people don't scare me. I could tell he may have started to come to this realization when he saw the brown kids in the back, because he never got closer than about 6 feet from my car.

Driver: "If you got a problem, why don't you step out of the car?"

Me: "Do you think this is cool to do in front of these kids? Are you some kind of tough guy?" Now I'm unbuckling my seat belt, and he visibly took a step back, maybe just to give me room to get out, maybe not: I don't know. "You don't want this kind of trouble, so I suggest you get back in your car before something bad happens."

He turns around as he saying "I just want to know if you have a problem with me." He looks back after he gets back around to the driver's side and gives me a dirty look before getting back in. Now, maybe it's wrong, but I got a small measure of satisfaction from his backing down. I also was surprised by two things. The first was the restraint I exhibited.

Now, I got into a few fights when I was younger, and when I'm threatened, my adrenaline runs high. I was never really cool under pressure, which is okay when you're in a fair fight with one guy. Here, I was clearly at a disadvantage, being that I was still in the car, and he was not. Ten years ago, I probably would have bolted out of the car to confront him and gotten kicked in the face before I could even get out of seat (at least that's what I would do if the situation was reversed). Also, when I'm angry, I curse alot, and that's usually when I start to lose control and my anger boils over. I have quite a temper. In this instance, however, I thought through a couple different scenarios of what I was going to do if I had to get out or he tried to get in. I guess the combination of having kids and being a restaurant manager has taught me patience and calm. Maybe that's part of getting older.

The second thing that surprised a me a little was the rage that I have inside me. I had a pretty good idea it was there, but not like this. I was just waiting, waiting for this guy to put me in a situation to defend myself. I already knew what was going to happen if he did, and it wasn't going to be pretty.

Now, I won't say I'm so angry that I'm going to go to the mall and start shooting people. It's nothing like that; however, I do on occasion wish someone would put me in a situation where I'm threatened and the law would be on my side when I pummel them. I guess it's just years and years of stress that I never talk about building up. Maybe I should take up boxing or martial arts. Actually, maybe T'ai Chi would be better.......I think this is also from having kids and being a restaurant manager.........

I'm losing the will to blog....

2007-03-02T23:10:00.000-08:00

Well, that horrible loss to Miami didn't hurt much, as UVA has all but wrapped their first outright ACC regular season title since 1981. Unbelievable. I'm rooting for Appalachian State to win their conference tourney just for the remote chance at some veangence for the Puerto Rico disaster.

It's almost baseball season, so I've already drafted 5 fantasy baseball teams with 4 more drafts to go. I'm sure I'm not done either, since I love drafting so much. I'm such a nerd.....

Speaking of which, anyone else hear about the 33-foot, 1000-pound colossal squid that those New Zealand fisherman caught off of Antartica about 3 weeks ago? (1)At 33 feet and 1000 lbs, it is by far the largest squid ever seen by man, (2)It was an adult male, which no one has ever seen before, (3)It was still alive when they caught it. I find this fascinating; again, I'm a nerd......

I wonder if signing London Fletcher and Fred Smoot(eek) is going to be as good for the Redskins as losing Derrick Dockery is going to be bad. I used to really hate that guy, but he's made vast improvement. He's going to have a really nice career, though $7 million a year is outrageous.

I don't feel like talking about tornados, snow storms, bus crashes, or dead former NBA players so I'll leave with this from my Bush Quote Generator on my home page:

"We need to do what we need to do to get the bodies out of there, if they're there."

- George W. Bush February 14, 2001 Referring to the tragic sinking of a Japanese fishing boat by a U.S. submarine near Hawaii. Reported in the Chicago Tribune.

Oh, more nerd stuff; this is kinda cool: Non-Newtonian Fluids

Wahoo

2007-02-21T20:16:00.000-08:00

Nice job guys. Way to go into the gym of the worst team in the league and lose your hold on the conference title. Everyone's got them figured out now. Well, baseball season starts soon....

I'm sinking to the bottom of my everything.

2007-02-21T20:07:00.000-08:00

So, I wonder sometimes if I did something wrong, or am I just destined to be this way? Is it something I can ever fix, or will I keep repeating the same cycle?

I feel like the walls are closing in; that even at 28, my life is running out on me. Thinking back, I can't say I ever remember a time when I was truly happy. I've had periods of contentment in my life. I've even had times where I felt like I found what I was looking for. Those times never lasted long. I wonder more and more often if I'll ever have what I want; if I'll ever be happy. Sometimes I think that whatever I get, it will never be good enough; that I always want more.

I know, I have kids to take care of, and I should put them before me, and I do; but what about me? I feel like I'm either doing something someone else wants me to do, or I'm doing nothing at all. Does it make me a terrible person to want to think about myself once in awhile? Maybe that's it. Maybe I shouldn't post this.....

And the Grammy goes to....

2007-02-11T22:08:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm still up, so I guess I should give some thoughts about the Grammy's. After all, I actually watched them. This way, the 4 people that read my blog and chime in with their thoughts, although probably only Eric and Mike will. Anyway:

The Grammy's don't have a host? It's been awhile since I watched.

I'm not a big fan of country music, but you gotta love Natalie Maines. She's never backed down from her views. Much respect. (And she looked hot tonight; isn't she the chubby blonde one?) How many of you agree with her now, 3 1/2 years later?

Hard rock still can't make it on t.v., huh?

Who's idea was it to group Smokey Robinson, Lionel Ritchie, and Chris Brown together??? I know Chris Brown is popular right, but he does not belong on stage with Smokey and Lionel Ritchie. He isn't half the talent; he couldn't even sing his own song (although the boy does have moves, albeit copied from those before him, but I can't do it). I started to wonder if there was any real singing talent left, then Christina Aguilera came out, which leads me to.....

With all due respect to Mary J., who deserves all of the personal and professional triumphs she's achieved over the past year or so, Christina Aguilera is The Best Female Vocalist on the Planet. Period. You don't even have to like her music to understand that.

I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

What's this about a competition of unknown singers for a spot on the Grammy's singing a duet with Justin Timberlake? They were like "you get to vote on who performs later." Based on what? Who was voting on this? Well, at least the girl didn't embarass herself, although the performance wasn't memorable.

"Well, to quote the great 'Simpsons' — 'Heh-Heh.'------that's hot

I'm finding it more and more difficult to hate John Mayer.

Who's the little punk who turned on the music while Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder were talking?!?

The James Brown tribute was nice; draping his robe over the microphone as the lights went out was especially poignant.

I really liked Carrie Underwood's rendition of Desperado

Who the hell is Beyonce that Prince is introducing her? No one else sees a problem with that? She's a star, sure; but she's not Prince.

What hasn't Rick Rubin done? Timbaland who?

I'm tired; that's all I have for now.

"I am such an idiot! I can't believe I said that!"

2007-02-08T19:37:00.000-08:00

Soooooo, a couple of days ago, I said something I shouldn't have (don't confuse that with saying something I didn't mean, because I meant it) to someone I should not have said it to, at a time and place that was totally inappropriate for saying such things. It just kind of came out (no, I won't tell you what it was). My instincts in these type of situations are typically dead-on, but I'm afraid I may have been way off the mark this time. Maybe I can just pretend it never happened. I am an ass.

Ten bucks if you know where I got the title. Okay, not ten bucks; but I'll think you're cool.

I quit

2007-02-07T21:27:00.000-08:00

It amazes me how some people can come to be in a position of power without having any skills as a leader. I promise that this will be my one and only rant about my job, but I just thought I'd get it out before I quit and bitch about just a few of the things that bother me about my "boss". Strap yourself in and get a drink; this is going to take awhile and it probably will have no rhyme or reason to it.

Just today, while I was in the kitchen and my "G.M." was "managing" the dining room, we had a man come in the restaurant who smelled as though he hadn't showered in months. No one could sit within 25 feet of this man. Now, I'm not speaking ill of this man, nor do I wish to speculate as to why he may have smelled so awfully, but that fact is, he made all of the employees and the other guests very, very uncomfortable. Also, we had two ministers come in to have lunch. They asked several personal questions of their server, then told her she was beyond saving and was going to go to hell. Then they proceeded to approach a couple who was dining near them, asked them several personal questions, then them they were going to hell. How did our G.M. handle these situations? He ran away. Hid in the office. He allowed everyone else in the restaurant to feel uncomfortable so that he could avoid a confrontation, thereby maintaining his own comfort. These might seem like minor events, but it's the principle of the matter. It's his job a manager, a leader, to make his establishment a comfortable place for the employees and guests of the restaurant.

No, I'm not done. When he does decide it's time to confront an employee, he does it with hostility. It's so bad, that I feel I have to compromise some of my own standards because the employees catch so much shit from the other managers (the kitchen manager is his little protege). I have to be especially lenient because they're treated so poorly. This is one of the biggest reasons I'm seeking employment elsewhere. Anyway, our district manager, came in the other night. I was the only manager there at the time, so we sat and talked for awhile. A nice chat, I thought. Afterward, one of the servers took her aside to inquire as to why she hadn't had a raise in two years. Now, I had explained to her that servers don't get raises. You make your money from your guests. I teach my servers everything I know about great guest service, and those who choose to listen invariably make more money. I explained to this server that would be happy to help her figure out what she could do better with her guests. She accepted this, but wanted to hear it from the DM. She asked the DM why she hadn't had a raise in two years, or an opportunity to be a trainer. The DM told her two years wasn't a long time, she had servers that worked for for ten years, and "Look at you. You look like a sack of shit." The fact that a DM would talk to a server like that astounds me.

So, a few days later, GM comes to work and tells this particular server that her apron looks like hell and she has to either buy a new one or go home. Now, those of us who care about doing our jobs right have a process for going about change. First we explain the change that needs to be made, in this case a better looking uniform (I should say that her apron was not dirty or wrinkled, just a little faded). Then, we explain why this change is important for everyone, as well as how everyone will go about such a change. Lastly, we set a deadline for said change to be made, and explain the consequences of not achieving the set goal. We do not say "Buy a new apron right now or go home." We especially don't say these things in front of other employees. Never do we chastise or punish an employee in front of other employees. I thought that was common sense, but I guess not. Anyway, this server leaves, ultimately losing her job, because the DM didn't like her and said get rid of her.

Shortly after sending this server home, GM gathers everyone together for a pre-shift meeting (which never happens unless there's something to bitch about, despite the fact that daily pre-shift meetings are one of the most important tools for teaching and development). I'm thinking he might begin the process for change I outlined above. Silly me. He says "You all look like trash. I'm fucking sick of this. I'm not going to put with this shit anymore. If I or one of the other managers tells you to fix your uniform, you fix it right then or you'll be sent home. If it's not fixed on your next shift, you'll be discharged." Way to pump everyone up for a great shift. Now, when was the last time you think he mentioned any sort of uniform problem before? It's also noteworthy that the uniforms are about to change drastically, and everyone will have to pay for their own, so who's going to buy anything new now?

What's really great is when you confront him about his behavior and the way he treats people. "I didn't say that." "I didn't say it like that." "Are you going to believe a server over me?" Absolutely. I hope that everyone knows that I have their best interests in mind and I'm constantly going to bat for them (so is Drema, by the way)

GM and KM have created an environment of hostility with a lack of respect, inappropriate, foul language, and sexual harassment. I've spent the last couple of weeks trying to convince everyone that there are other jobs, and they can do better. I'll even give you a reference if you'll just leave. They are the only thing keeping that place together, because God knows I'm just trying to get out at this point.

At a recent employee meeting, when the employees (mostly servers, who are treated the worst, by far) raised some questions about the way the restaurant is run, they were told that they were not asked to work at Texas Steakhouse, they chose to apply and they were all replaceable. Basically he said "Do as I say, not as I do, because I don't need you and I'll get rid of you." I hope the day comes when he realizes just how much he needs his employees.

Basically what goes on here on a daily basis is a GM and KM using whoever they must to get whatever they need at that moment, including me. They give no consideration to achieving future success, developing employees, and providing great guest service. As long as they're not made to look bad, everything is peachy. The worst part about it is that most of the employees don't understand how bad it is and how much better it could be. I do. I was lucky to learn from and work with two of the best people I've come in contact with in this business: Scott Sipler and Julie Gagne. Both work for The Olive Garden, and I have much respect for them both, and that respect grows everyday I'm here. There are others that would tell you the same. I want my people to get a taste of how things are supposed to be. I tried when I first arrived at this restaurant, to no avail. You can't save a sinking ship if you're the only one with a bucket. Time to throw the raft and bail out. I truly care about the people I work with, almost to a fault, but I feel like it's because I understand how to manage a successful operation, and most of the people I work with know that and will go to war for me.

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

"The way people feel about me is the way they feel about themselves when they are around me."

"Do unto others as they would have you do unto them."

I don't think these are hard concepts to live by. I have others, but these are the main things that GM and KM are not understanding, and they're so set in their ways that they won't change. How hard is it to understand that it's not their job to command people, it's their job to serve people, including employees. Our job is to provide our employees the tools, training, and support they need to give our guests exceptional product and service. They certainly won't take any advice from me. I know this doesn't even begin to paint an accurate picture for outsiders, especially those not familiar with the restaurant business. I just hope everyone who lives this with me knows that I'd love a chance to start new with them so we can do it right together.

I apologize to anyone who sat through that entire thing. That was more for me, though I didn't come close to expressing all of my frustrations. I know that I am very good at what I do, and I'm angry at myself for putting myself in a situation where I cannot do what I do best. I can't wait to quit this job, though I truly feel bad for the good people I'll leave behind, and I can only hope that the ones I can't bring with me will find something better soon.

Hoos you're daddy?

2007-02-01T22:10:00.000-08:00

A few things I learned (or I already knew, but were confirmed) from watching Virginia's overtime win over Duke at the JPJ tonight:

~Sean Singletary and J.R. Reynolds are All-Americans and two of the toughest guys in the NCAA; this is the best backcourt in the nation

~Barring an injury to either of those guys, the Cavs just got themselves into the NCAA tournament

~Dave Leitao is ACC, and probably National, Coach of the Year, by a hair over Seth Greenberg (since UVA will sweep Virginia Tech)

~College basketball is the most exciting sport to watch on t.v.

~Virginia might just be for real; whatever it was that was missing for the last 10 years or so, this team has

~John Paul Jones Arena is one fantastic venue for hoops, and a great home court

I haven't been this excited about UVA basketball since Curtis Staples was raining down threes and Harold Deane was running the point.

God Hates Me

2007-01-31T20:38:00.000-08:00

I'm driving home from work Sunday night, when all of a sudden my oil light comes on. Now, I just had my oil changed two weeks ago, but I had cause for concern. Here's why:

About 2 months ago I decided I was tired of changing my own oil. I didn't have time, and I didn't really like doing it, so I decided to take it down the street to Jiffy Lube. Big Mistake. They didn't put the oil filter case back on right, so the gasket sort of popped out. This wasn't noticeable until the car was started, so we didn't see it at Jiffy Lube. Well, after I got home, all of the oil leaked out of the car onto the driveway. If anyone is not aware, had I tried to start it, I would have seized the engine, which of course would ruin it beyond repair and I'd need a new engine. Anyway, Jiffy Lube fixed it and give me my money back.

So, I leave work Sunday night and get on I-64. The oil light comes on, but I'm thinking to myself maybe it's burned a quart and it's a little low; after all, I drive 60-75 miles a day at 70 mph or more. I didn't even finish getting the thought out when the car starts to shake and smoke. I immediately realize what's going on, but before I can get to the shoulder and turn the fucking car off, the engine locks up. I have to coast over to the shoulder. I popped the hood and jumped out. There's smoke everywhere, but I think maybe if I hurry I can save it. I had three quarts of oil in the trunk, so I dump them in. As fast I as dump it in, though, it's leaking back out onto the shoulder. I looked under the car, and it appeared oil was leaking from the drain plug AND the plug for the oil filter case. I figured Midas, who last changed the oil, really fucked something up, and I was pissed. I got it towed and contacted my insurance company, who said unless there was collision damage, they couldn't cover it. The next day I got a quote on a used engine (I drive a Mazda 6, by the way): $3942. I'm screwed. This, however, is where my luck changes a bit.

Yesterday, Midas comes and tows the car back to their shop so they can look at to determine whether or not they are liable. Fat chance is what I'm thinking. My claims adjuster at Progressive has gotten involved at this point, so I'm hoping he can convince them it's their fault. Well, Midas determines that it is indeed collision damage, as though I ran over something in the road. They say the oil filter case is cracked and there is damage to the oil pan as well. Chris, the insurance adjuster (who has been super helpful so far) agrees with this assessment.

Now, I have no recollection of running over anything. To cause the kind of damage they're talking about, I would have had to hit something pretty hard. My theory is, Midas ascertained that it was indeed their fault, and beat the shit out of my car so they wouldn't be liable. Far-fetched, I know, but hey, I thought of it. Anyway, Progressive is covering the cost, and while my premium will take a slight hit, at least I'm not forking out four grand for an engine.

Incidentally, this is not the first time I've had to replace an engine in a car. I previously owned a '97 Plymouth Breeze (think Dodge Stratus, with a gayer name), and I lost that engine to flood damage, but that's another story.

It's also the second time I've had to file a claim on the 6 in a month; I was in accident a week before Christmas. One day I'll figure out exactly what I did wrong.

Meandering

2007-01-23T09:57:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure I have enough imagination today for an entire post, but I wanted to write something anyway. Maybe just a few random thoughts.

~How's this for team spirit? Bruce Pearl may have taken it a bit far, however. Doesn't he kind of look like Bruce Willis here?

~I really can't stand that Geico commercial with Vern Troyer in it. It annoys me. I do, however, love the caveman ones.

~Now Isaiah, I'm sure you know of a word or two that should never be said on national T.V. Faggot is one of them.

~This makes me mad. I've subscribed to MLB Extra Innings on Cox and Adelphia for three or four seasons now. Maybe they just don't want anyone to watch until the whole steroid thing is over. Good move. $700 million over 7 years should make awfully affordable for us all going forward as well. Assholes.

~I can't wait to see Pan's Labyrinth

~Tonight is Bush's State of the Union address, so here's today's Bush Quote of the Day as provided by Google: "I'm pretty good about asking myself the own question, then answering it, see?" Yes, he said that.

~I'm very glad the Patriots lost.

~I'm not glad the Saints lost

~No beach swimming down under for me.

~American Idol is becoming unusually cruel. When it started, Simon told everyone they were worthless singers; then Randy Jackson (douchebag) gradually joined the act. Now, they've taken to telling contestants they're just worthless human beings and making fun of the way they look. Yo dawg, that ain't right. Oh, and I know that they meant to leave that left door locked so after they were done humiliating these kids, they would then be further embarassed by not being able to get out. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel sorry for the people on the show who know what they're getting into, especially the William Hungs of the world, but just what are they trying to teach the kids watching the show, that people who are different are to be ridiculed and shunned by the beautiful and talented?

Yikes, that almost turned into a full-on rant. I'm done for now.

Hey, great idea!

2007-01-19T06:08:00.000-08:00

Some people will do anything to be noticed. In this case, it's a couple of douchebags on a shitty morning radio show in Sacramento. In case you haven't heard or didn't click the preceding link. a woman died from water intoxication shortly after participating in a "Hold your wee for a Wii" contest. These guys got their hands on a Nintendo Wii, and were so desperate to use it to promote the show, they thought up this brilliant idea where contestants drink as much water as they can without peeing or throwing up. This was the exchange between the DJs and Jennifer Strange, who lost her life trying to get a stupid video game for her kids, near the end of the contest:

DJ: Can't you get water poisoning and like die?

DJ2: Your body is 98 percent water. Why can't you take in as much water as you want? ...I know.

DJ: That is what I was thinking, maybe we should have researched this.

DJ2: Jennifer, congratulations on making it to the final two. How are you feeling?

Jennifer: I still have to go pee, but my stomach is like really, really full. I look like I am pregnant again. It's pretty funny.

DJ2: How much longer do you think you can go Jennifer.

Jennifer: As long as my stomach will continue to let me. I don't know. Maybe a couple more.

DJ2: Jennifer, I heard that you're not doing too well.

Jennifer: My head hurts. They keep telling me that it is the water, that it will tell my head to hurt and then it will make me puke.

During the show, a listener calls in to warn the DJs that the stunt is dangerous and says someone could die.

"Yeah, we're aware of that," one of them says.

Another DJ laughs: "Yeah, they signed releases, so we're not responsible. We're OK."

"And if they get to the point where they have to throw up, then they're going to throw up, and they're out of the contest before they die, so that's good, right?" another one says.

Now, I've watched anough Law & Order to know this is AT LEAST criminal negligence. I'm pretty sure McCoy could get them for murder. "Maybe we should have researched this" says the DJ. Good thinking. Don't drop the soap buddy.

Wahoo

2007-01-10T19:11:00.000-08:00

So, I'm sitting in front of the t.v. watching my favorite college basketball team, Virginia. I can't understand why they are so schizophrenic. Or maybe it's bipolar. They've been this way for years. How is it that they can welcome #10 Arizona to their new court and win, then go to Puerto Rico, and in consecutive nights, get blown out by Appalachian State and Utah and beat a Puerto Rican team (that can't beat anybody)by 7 in a miserable performance. After these three outings, I figured my hopes for the season had been dashed. But alas, they come home and give Gonzaga a good old-fashioned woodshed-beatdown. Great! They're back! Just get by Stanford (at home!) and it's on to ACC play. A couple of good road wins, defend the home court, and it's off to the field of 65. But no, Stanford wins at the buzzer. Season over. They'll get blown out UNC and start a slide into ACC obscurity. What's this? As I type, Virginia is in Chapel Hill giving the #1 team in the nation everything they can handle. It's tied at 47. We'll see how it goes from here.

Elephants don't forget, but I'm only human

2007-01-09T20:37:00.000-08:00

I forget things. Not in a Where-did-I-put-my-car-keys or Dude-you're-not-wearing-any-pants kind of way, but if I'm not completely focused on remembering something, I will certainly forget. Almost every time one of the girls at work says "can you take this coupon off of H1?", I walk 8 feet to the computer, pull up the list of tables and ask, "uhhh, what table?" I have a planner that I use ineffectively, but without which I would probably forget my keys or to put pants on.

Today I forgot my kids. Nothing serious; they were at their grandmother's. I knew when I left work that I had to pick them up, but about halfway home my mind started to wander. I snapped out of it as I pulled into the driveway, thinking to myself "Did I forget something? Oh right, my kids."

I do this frequently, especially while driving. It's not as if I'm not paying attention to the road or other cars or traffic lights, I'm just not paying attention to where I'm going. I've missed my exit on the interstate going home, and then missed the next exit before realizing something was amiss.

I will definitely forget what you've said to me 30 seconds after you've said it to me if I haven't made a conscious decision to remember it. What's kind of nuts about it all is that I remember everything I read or just catch a glimpse of. Yes, I'm aware that I exhibit classic signs of Attention Deficit Disorder, and I have unfortunately passed it to my kids, but come on, don't you outgrow this? It's pretty annoying. I can't remember half of what I wanted to put in this particular blog post, so it's not nearly as entertaining as I envisioned 6 hours ago when I decided to do it. I was thinking about whether or not I've always been this way, but I can't remember........

The Prognostic Dishwasher

2007-01-04T19:12:00.000-08:00

So, back to my friend, who, for the sake of his anonymity, we'll call 'Mike Elliot', and who absolutely talked me to death today at work. He regaled me with this gem of a story about playing the lottery:

'Mike': "Back when I first joined the Army (virtually every story begins with some variation of this line) I kept running across the numbers 9-1-1."

Me: "Oh yeah?" (that's all he needs; he's like a woman in that respect....)

'Mike': "Yeah, I decided I wanted to play those numbers."

Me: "Uh-huh"

'Mike': "So, I kept going to the gas station, and I didn't play, and I kept putting it off."

Me:"Uh-huh" (At this point it's become eerily similar to any number of conversations I've had with my wife)

'Mike': "Yep, and sure enough one day they hit(You don't say). Man, I was kickin' myself after that."

Me: "Man, that sucks."

'Mike': (This is where it gets really good) "Yeah, so I was tellin' my mother about it a couple weeks later, and I remember tellin' her 'You know, I think those numbers (911 for those of you not paying much attention) are going to be really important in history.' And wouldn't you know, a few years later 9-11 happens."

Me: .......

Me: .......

Me: .......

Me: "Wow, you're a regular Nostradamus."

'Mike': .......

Bowled Over

2007-01-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

In light of perhaps the most entertaining bowl game ever between Boise State and Oklahoma, I thought it would be cool to talk about some of the other great 'bowls' of all-time (and no, I don't mean the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsetta Bowl):

} Those who know me best know that I would be remiss not to include The Olive Garden's Never-Ending Pasta Bowl. I don't know why we didn't just stop cutting the grass and attach wheels to the outside of the restaurant every fall. And forget about a decent tip...

} Manute Bol: How can you not love a guy who's 11 feet tall and weighs 76 pounds, especially when he's spotting up for 3?

} Tecmo Super Bowl: Greatest video game this of Legend of Zelda.

} The bowl-haircut: My parents forced this upon me when I was young. You know you had one too.

}Rock 'N Bowl! Ah yes, bowling with the lights out and the music loud. What could be better? Not paying $300 for it, that's what.......

I know someone out there will we 'bowl' me over with some other examples.....

Am I really getting old?

2006-12-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

Both of my kids, especially my oldest, Jonathan (whose is almost 9), like to compare the things they have with the things I had as a child. They've found we have some things in common: Legos (which I definitely don't play with anymore), Transformers, and G.I. Joe. There are, of course, new toys. Jon brings this thing he made today with Atomic Blocks, which are kind of like Legos that light up. He asks me if I had Atomic Blocks as a kid. Then he asked me if I had any technology as a kid, "you know, like TV?" How old do you think I am kid?

For the record, I'll be 29 in April. As I near 30, I realize that I am getting old. VH1 keeps telling me so with retro '80s and '90s shows. Songs that I distinctly remember as new are being called 'classic'. One of the DJs on a local hip-hop station decided to spin some old school tracks, so he played Biggie, Nas, and Snoop Dogg. That's not old-school! Back in the day, I'll give you, but certainly not old-school. Run DMC is old school, not Tupac.

You know you're getting old when you look at teenagers and mutter to yourself 'damn kids'. I'm a restaurant manager, and as such I work primarily with teens and young college students. I'm almost old enough to be a father to some of these girls. The girl that trains all of my hosts is 16, for crying out loud. It's bad enough that they sometimes like to rag on me for being old, like when I squat and my knees won't allow me to get up, or when I talk about a movie they've never heard of, like Spaceballs, but I've even started to tell stories about Life Before The Internet, something these kids know nothing about. Anyway, I guess I should go get a nap in before Golden Girls comes on.........

2006-12-27T19:23:00.000-08:00

I'm certain everyone knows this guy: He's the one that always has a story to tell about whatever it is you're having a conversation about. Now, mind you, he wasn't originally a part of said conversation (is he ever?), but he must share his insight. He's been everywhere, done and seen everything. I work with this guy.

He's a dishwasher at the restaurant where I work. Apparently, he once served in the U.S. Army, which is about the only thing that has come out of his mouth that I actually believe. Most people don't want to hear him talk, but I try to encourage him, so as to get the wildest tale possible.

His favorite story to tell, I think, involves Teddy Pendergrass. He claims he saw Teddy Pendergrass going into a gay bar in Beverly Hills in the early 70's or late 80's. This would be shortly before Pendergrass was involved in a car accident that left him a paraplegic, one in which he was in the company of a transvestite. I'm sure this story was big news in 1982, and I'm sure this guy's been telling of his encounter with Teddy Pendergrass ever since.

The point is, I believe that this guy sees or hears stories in the news and assimilates them into his own life. I understand that some people like to be grandiose and tell untruths for the purpose of impressing others, but no one acknowledges the importance of stories. The disinterest when he talks is palpable.

One particular gem happened a couple of weeks back. There was a major earthquake in the Pacific Ocean, prompting tsunami warnings throughout Japan. The next day, he comes in and tells us about the time he was on the beach and outran a tsunami. "Yeah, I saw the water pull away from the beach, and we turned and ran. We were lucky to get out of there!" I said, "Wow, that must of have been scary!" mostly because if I told he was full of shit, he might stop telling me stories. I'm certain this will become an ongoing series.